Mainstream Movie and TV Show Strippers: Overdressed and Underlit

This is Jessica Alba playing a stripper in the R-rated movie "Sin City," a film in which Carla Gugino and several othe actresses get stark naked. This is as naked as Jessica gets while she's "stripping." The producers wanted her desperately for the role, apparently. No offense to Jessica, a great beauty and a good actress, but she was eminently replaceable in that role, and her unwillingness to do nudity should have disqualified her from the role. It would have been so much more powerful to see the young girl Bruce Willis rescued now forced to dance naked before men to survive in Sin City. There are a lot of excellent, attractive actresses who WILL do nudity or at least dancing in just a string thong, but I guess one or more of the producers was a Jessica Alba fanboy (or fangirl) and totally failed to understand the extra kick that nudity would have given the movie dramatically. A shame.

 When mainstream media want to approach sexual or porny topics they have all sorts of tricks and dodges. One of my favorites is the clothed stripper. No, I don’t mean an off-duty stripper not stripping, I mean a stripper at work on stage who never takes her clothes off, often dancing among other strippers who never take their clothes off, generally before an audience of men who are just fine with that. The greatest example of that is, of course, the one above.

To give you some idea how timid this scene is for an R-rated movie, here is a vidcap from a brief scene of strippers dancing from a defunct SyFy Channel TV series "Special Unit 2" which is about Chicago cops who fight supernatural crime. This would be the equivalent of a G-rated movie in the US, as it can be presumed that the audience would include children. So, here's the vidcap:

 

Need I say more? This is a stripper doing a split, seen from, ahem, behind. 

I guess the tightly stretched thong covering the pussy that presses against it made it G-rated. 

But this G-rated striptease registered as much sexier than Alba's pathetic scene.

 Because that butt was THERE, even if only briefly and in a dimly lit scene. 

(I lightened the image but I didn't do a damned thing to make it look more naked.)

And to be completely fair, this image is definitely an outlier that I'm pretty sure
slid past the censors. Most TV strippers are on par with Jessica Alba in "Sin City." 

Now for comparison, here's an online porn nekkid dancer (they tend to start out nekkid so "stripper" is not an accurate term):

Here's a vidcap of some online nekkid dancing, a very "in your face" dance I think most will agree. 
Any questions? The dancer for this video is ambercutie, and you can find more of her work on ambercutie.com. She's very naked and very talented.

Because folks have access to the Interwebs, most people know that when they watch the clothed strippers in movies and TV shows, or even the topless strippers in movies and TV shows, they aren't seeing the real thing or anything like it. Because they've seen the images of the real thing in the pornos, and they know it's a very different thing. They know the mainstream version is weak sauce, nothing like the real thing.

Jennifer Aniston looking surly as she does a striptease in "We're the Millers." "Tease" is the right word because this is about as naked as she gets. Aniston is the Real Deal as far as acting is concerned, and she's the Real Deal as far as beauty is concerned, and she's the Real Deal as far as comedy is concerned. But she's not the Real Deal when it comes to stripping.

Rose McGowan plays stripper Cherry Delight in "Grindhouse." She is one of the hottest, most beautiful actresses ever. But come on, granny panties and a sports bra as a stripper outfit? That's just sad! I'm sure it wasn't McGowan's idea, she's got all the courage in the world. She gets total cred from me for being willing to call Harvey Weinstein out for the shit he pulled on her when no one else was talking about Weinstein the rapist. 

I found this on a wiki page which identified it as a scene from the "Murder Ex Machina" episode of the "Elemantary" TV series. The strippers were described as bizarrely overdressed, but I found it bizarrely underlit. Overdressed and in near pitch darkness, that's how I like my strippers! (What were they thinking?)

So of course I ran the image through GIMP and lightened it up. And yeah, look at the one stripper in pink and black granny panties and a full corset or something like it, and the other wearing a very full bra that keep her breasts well hidden and looks like a standard bikini bottom, which is mostly unseen in this image. The only person that's topless here is Johnny Miller as Sherlock. But wait! There's more! This image I am pretty sure is from a DIFFERENT episode of Sherlock, "The Deductionist" where Sherlock is robbed by two strippers he invites into his home for entertainment purposes. I'm pretty sure the picture got posted to the wrong page because it was too dark to tell what the hell was going on. A travesty in every sense, as Sherlock would say.

When you do a Google search for "Mainstream movie stripper" (with SafeSearch turned off, of course) you'll get a lot of images of Elizabeth Berkley in "Showgirls" and Demi Moore in "Striptease." Berkley gave us the full monty in "Showgirls" but Moore went topless but never revealed any naughty bits below the waist. Though if you watched the whole film you'd have a pretty good idea what Demi Moore's naked body looks like. Thing is, though, these films are very much outliers, most mainstream movie and TV nude scenes are like the ones seen above this GIF. I think they reason they show up is because well, they're the nakedest mainstream movie strippers. It's like Google understand what people think of when they think of strippers.

I've got a collection of vids of naked women dancing from around the internet. It's amazing how many talented, naked dancers there are out there. I commend them all. Here's one of them to close out the article. Notice how raunchy it is:

I tried to identify this dancer and image using a vidcap from the video, which is very much a hit-or-miss proposition. I did get one hit: Google identified the image I sent them as being from a video called, "Watch Sexy Hula Hoop" on SpankBang. And the background on this video is identical to the background on the thumbnail the Google search pulled up. So I tried to get into SpankBang to see if I could get more info. But Spankbang wanted me to provide a picture of myself for "age verification" purposes. Sorry, Spankbang, I'm far too good looking to let you have a pic of me, you'd be hounding me endlessly to be in your porn shoots if I did that. Really. But if anyone can ID her, please drop a line in the comments.

Actual Belly Dancer Belly Dances

Actual belly dancer doing an actual belly dance, with some red-hot moves.
In some of the preceding videos, you will note that I stated that the dances being seen are not belly dances. That's true, strictly speaking, even though all of them use some elements of belly dance. Generally, the nakeder the dancers are, the less actual belly dancing is going on. It's a rule of thumb, I have seen completely naked women doing a dance that is at least close to belly dancing. For example, some of the dancers in the "Actual Naked Belly Dancers" video are doing actual hip drops and shimmies, if not particularly well.

I picked the video above, not because it's the best belly dance I've ever seen from an aesthetic point of view, but because it illustrates the sort of moves that constitute belly dance: hip drops, shimmies, shoulder rolls, etc., along with the expressive use of the hands (though I've seen much more effective use of hands by other dancers).

Princess Jasmine's belly dancing is a lot faster-paced than many other belly dancers but that's just a function of the song she's selected. Here's a belly dancer whose pacing is slower much of the time, but there's the same fine control of her body as she moves, especially the hips, stomach and torso. (Also some very nice hand gestures. Embedding is not allowed on this video, but you can see it on this link.

Here's a video that will give you some glimpse of how belly dancing can work when The Sexy is interjected into it: a gorgeous dancer with a very nice set of silicone implants dresses in a notably scantier costume than the others. In the last third of the dance she shows some very nice hip and torso moves. I imagine that integrated with a naked exotic dancer's deliberately sexy moves and I go "Mmmmmmmm."

Some skilled dancer may very well have already done this, but ... haven't seen it yet.

Now when you see a stripper or exotic dancer just rolling her hips and calling it belly dance, you'll know the difference. Public service accomplished!

Oh, and if you liked those belly dance videos, just subscribe to Aw Jaan's channel. You could learn a lot about belly dance by watching Aw Jaan's playlist at the top of this page, and have fun while you're at it.

Kicking Up A Kickstarter For My Latest Novel

"I'm not bad ... I'm just rendered that way!" Image source: me.
I'm in the process of completing "The Final Veil," a detective novel about the efforts of detective John Bowman to find a kidnapped belly dancer who is in a consensual real life realationship as a Gorean slavegirl. And this time I intend to do it right, launching the novel with a Kickstarter campaign to fun its completion and its marketing launch.

I don't know how many of you are Kickstarter fans, but if you're curious, here's their website. I don't have a page up, because I wanted to ask you: what sort of premiums would you like to see me offer for the book? (Remember, Kickstarter doesn't fund porn, and my book is not porn, it's squarely within the confines of the modern detective genre. Copies of the book in ebook or hardcover form? Sure! Signed copies of the books? The opportunity to have your name (or anyone's name you designate) appear in the books' Acknowledgements section? The chance to have one of the characters in the book named after you?

As you see I've got a front cover prototype all done and a teaser from one fo the chapters up to tempt people. Here's my teaser for the book itself:

April Dancer -- many consider her the best damn belly dancer on the planet, a breakthrough artist for belly dancers everywhere. She's been all over television, a living advertisement for the beauty and grace of belly dance, and she's an openly acknowledged Gorean slavegirl, livng the life consensually with her hunky master. When she disappears, the call goes out to John Bowman via the alluring belly dance teacher Lady Astra.

John Bowman -- a detective for the new millenium. Plugged in, turned on, online, a former to Atlanta detective who went on one too many pot busts and quit the force. With his crew of technical specialists, and his personal willingness to make it with beautiful women and knock heads with bad guys, he's able to bring resouces to bear that get results.

Who kidnapped April Dancer? One of her lust-crazed fans from her days as an exotic dancer? The Mothers of Propriety, a collection of morally snooty types? Or the ALFALFAns (the Alliance of Lesbian Feminists Against Legalized Fucking and Assault) a collection of womyn who despise myn? Or was it a desperate nutjob, crazed by April's beauty and sexuality? Can John Bowman find her before someone decides that murder is no worse than kidnapping and leaves no witnesses? He'll try if he has to interview and possibly have sex with every bluenose, feminist, belly dancer, stripper and slave girl in Atlanta!

Link to sample.

Would You Like A Blowjob With That?

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Time Served Reviewed

Time Served, now with stripperific action.
I have on many occasions voiced the opinion that it would be a good idea to combine the emotional intensity of Lifetime women in prison flicks with the sexual intensity of sexploitation flicks. Well, damned if the people who made Time Served haven't done a halfway decent job of doing so. It starts out with a grieving mother forced into prison when she covers up a murder committed by her son, and it winds up with stripperific action. Unfortuately, they left out ALL the bondage imagery and most of the dominance and submission imagery, but hey, it's a step in the right direction.