More Thoughts On Heroes

“Let me adjust those chains so you don‘t get too comfortable ...”

I have tried watching “Heroes” a couple of times, but I just couldn’t get interested. No spandex? No capes? The super powers are virtually meaningless without the spandex and the capes!

But I’m really loving “Heroes” now that it’s totally bagging on the Homeland Security Dept. with its Heroes vs. Homeland Security theme. I wanna see Homeland Security types get frozen, fried, carried to great heights and dropped, blowed up real good, and otherwise abused. I’m in, baby!

However, I thought the Tracy in Prison scene could have used some snappier dialogue inspired by the . To wit:

Tracy: I understand the chains and the heat lamps, but why is the NBC peacock on my ass?

Nathan: They don’t call it enhanced interrogation for nothing, baby!

Tracy: All right, but I can handle these heat lamps easily -- I used to work at McDonald’s!

Nathan: (clearly peeved) You’re not supposed to do the degrading confessions until after we start with the torture!

Tracy: What sort of torture?

Nathan: Well, consulting the list of Approved Hot Blond Interrogation Techniques, we’ll start with a chocolate fudge thong, add on a whipped cream bra with nipple cherries …

Tracy: Nipple cherries … mmm, me like! Tell me more!

Nathan: There’s nothing more to tell, it’s degenerated into a bunch of meaningless gibberish and drool. Oh, well, we’ll think of something when the time comes, little lady, you can count on that!


That’s all the dialogue I have right now … the rest is just meaningless gibberish and drool. I’m sure I’ll think of something later.

Heroes Claims A First

“God, working at McDonald’s near the food warmer lamps is a lot tougher than I thought it would be.”

Image source: vidcapt from "Heroes" NBC TV series.

Monday night (February 16, 2009) Heroes had a first for U.S. mainstream television, and perhaps for mainstream television worldwide: In the “Building 26” episode of Heroes, Ali Larter is bound to the floor via a spreader bar attached to manacles on her wrists. A chain extends from each manacle and through a hasp set in the floor behind her, forcing her arms behind the chair she sits in. The chair appears to be bolted to the floor.

That’s some really stringent bondage. It looks very uncomfortable.

It’s also the first use of a spreader bar in US mainstream television. There was a TV movie called “The Fixer” in 1998 that had a spreader bar attached to the feet of a corpse, but it was an erotic thriller kind of movie, more Skinamax that regular television, so I called it a movie in my firsts list. (I have recently been informed of a much earlier movie that will be moving “The Fixer” off the list.)

Unfortunately (and you knew there would be an “unfortunately” just looking at the vidcap, didn’t you?) Larter is chained near heat lamps to keep her from using her super freezing power on people and objects, which means the whole scene is shot in a blurry red glow. Crap. But it’s still a first.

“I understand why you've got my hands chained behind my back, and I understand the heat lamps, but why is there a peacock in my butt?”
"That's what makes it enhanced interrogation, baby."