I've had to keep this under wraps for a while, but my agent, Pauline Perell, has called and I'm free to Tell All: my novel "Yard Sale Slut" will be made into a major motion picture to be aired on Netflix this fall. It's set in the near future, and is the story of Moira, once a promising student, who loses everything and is drugged, sold into slavery, stripped, bound, gagged, raped, lesbian gang raped, whipped, whored out and then suffered the most horrible humiliation of all: sold on the cheap at a yard sale to a sex slave tavern owner.
I don't think I'll be surprising anyone when I tell you that there was a huge bidding war on the story between Lifetime Channel and Netflix. The amount of pathos and bathos here is unbelievable. I didn't even believe it myself when I wrote it! So the seven figure check they're cutting me makes sense, Hollywood sense anyway.
Of course Neflix is asking for a few minor changes in the story to make it more acceptable to a mainstream audiences. Minor stuff, really. The rape and sex slavery themes, they feel, are a little much. Or as Netflix director Wilson Pluckett told me, "Look I get that 'Yard Sale Slut' is a dark, edgy, erotic, kinky satirical critique of capitalism gone zonkers, but we were thinking of taking it more in the direction of a lighthearted rom-com. And you can't have actual rape and sex slavery in lighthearted rom-com, it's just too heavy. So we were thinking of throwing out the slavers altogether. Instead we're thinking of having the female MC bought as a "slave" at one of those charity yard sales they have, by the male MC. Be a good vehicle for Freddie Prinze and Jessica Alba, you know."
"If you wanted a lighthearted rom-com, you could have optioned How My Slavegirl Found Me it's an actual lighthearted rom-com," I pointed out.
"And we may just do that down the road," said Pluckett. "But for now everyone is sold on "Yard Sale Slut" except for the title. The working title is now "Yard Sale Bargain Romance" to give you some idea. But otherwise it's exactly the same story. The male MC is still a politico, only now he's a candidate for US Senator from New York. And there'll be all sorts of raised eyebrows and media interest in the Senatorial candidate buying a slavegirl, you know, even if it's only a pretendy slavegirl. Mucho boffo humor here."
"Oh, I could see that working very well with a sexual relationship where she's his sexy slavegirl and he's her dominating master, all very consensual of course," I said. "Plenty of chances for double entendre."
"Well, about that," said Pluckett. "We find our rom-coms work much better in foreign markets without any sex. Or nudity. Maybe a chaste kiss at the end, maybe a bared shoulder or two. But no sex at all, especially no kinky sex."
"I'm surprised you left in the romance and the comedy," I observed, catching the way the wind was blowing.
"Well there won't be much of either, to be honest," said Plunkett. "Actual romance and humor are difficult and dangerous. We're looking for a script that is only in the vicinity of funny, and which keeps the romance down to knowing looks and raised eyebrows. We just want to leave audiences with a general impression that nice people had fun after encountering some mild difficulties, which is really what your story is all about, when you think about it."
"Of course it is," I lied. "And of course there's all those checks I'll be getting based on net profits to help soothe my conscience."
"Exactly!" lied Pluckett. "I knew we could come to a meeting of the minds on this!"
NOTE: Post meeting, I've been informed that the story will now be set in Ukraine and will involve a giant time-traveling spider. Plot twist: the spider is the nicest character in the film!
P.S. "Yard Sale Slut" is one of the three stories included in my Three Tavern Sluts collection found here. And extra buck goes a long way on Smashwords.
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