Cover art by K.M. O'Shea
So, I wrote a 100,000 word epic spoof
of Wonder Woman just in time for the release of the Wonder Woman
movie. I didn't intend to. It was only supposed to run around 60,000
words and get finished a lot sooner. But as I've explained in other
posts, my subconscious mind has a way of leading me around once I
start a story, and it happened here a lot.
"The Adventures of Bondor Woman,”
main storyline centers on the hi-jinks that occurred on
Transformation Island, Wonder Woman's reformatory for female
criminals. The reform techniques consisted almost entirely of putting
female criminals in Venus girdles that compelled obedience to the
loving authority provided by the Amazons who were their
guards/trainers and (in my opinion) lovers, who also kept them in
chains and collars at all times and taught them to love their chains
and collars.
This is all canon, folks. The stuff of
sweaty lesbian bondage fantasies appeared in what was generally
regarded as a children's comic back in the 1940s.
Un-fucking-believable, but if you do an image search for
"Transformation Island Wonder Woman" the evidence will be
right there before you. (It becomes a little more believable if you
know that William Marston, creator of Wonder Woman, had a wife and a
mistress and they all three lived in what their children describe as one big, happy family. Um, and the mistress, Olive Byrne, wore
cuff-like bracelets on her wrists that she never, ever removed.)
There were two things I wanted to do in
writing my Wonder Woman parody:
- Hopefully get some new readers by capitalizing on the Wonder Woman movie's media swell and most importantly,
- Write a Wonder Woman spoof that totally focussed on the bondage aspects of the Wonder Woman myth. That's because there are a ton of Wonder Woman fans who absolutely hate those aspects of her origin, fighting it and denying it and ignoring it and attacking those who would bring it into the light of day. I wanted to write a story that would have them absolutely clawing their eyes with despair, screaming and crying and howling with rage at the total WRONGNESS (from their POV) of my story, despite it being inspired by elements of Wonder Woman that are absolutely 100 percent CANON, while everyone who loves the bondage elements of Wonder Woman's canon will be laughing their asses off as they enjoy all the kinky fun. And I think I've succeeded.
I don't have DC's permission to write a
straight-up Wonder Woman story, so I had to go the spoof route, which
works fine for me, as humor is one of my stocks in trade, and my
favorite one. And it occurred to me that there was a very easy and
natural way for me to stay out of copyright trouble with DC, which
was to dump the Greek myth origins of Wonder Woman and give my
character, Bondor Woman, an origin in the All-Mother religion myth I
had created in "Treasure of Bagooly Nooly" and "Adventuresof the Ooga-Wooga Kid."
In addition, it helped me take a fresh
start with exploring Wonder Woman as goddess. She has been made a
goddess twice during her run with DC, and on both occasions, returned
to mortality. But comic books are vague on the difference between
goddesses and metahumans and and aliens with super powers, so I
explored that a bit.
I also explored what it might mean to
be a catwoman, especially if catwomen were more like lions than any
other species of cat. We follow the Panther Person, a catwoman
criminal who is captured by Bondor Woman and involuntarily enrolled
in the Transformational Institute for Slave Girls in Bagooly-Nooly as
she is trained to become the ultimate person she can be, and the
happiest, which turns out not to involve just being a slave girl, but
… well, that would be telling.
We also explore the adventures of
Bearcatman, a billionaire vigilante whose resemblance to Batman is
entirely coincidental. He suspects Bondor Woman may not be entirely
on the up and up, and investigates her by going to Bagooly-Nooly and
seeking help from proponents of the All-Mother religion, claiming
that he is asexual and that he thinks it might arise from having
witnessed his parents being murdered when he was a child. He gets a
LOT more than he bargained for.
There's also a ton of other stuff: the
Secret World Oligarchy and the Evil Planning Committee seeking to
control or destroy Bondor Woman, alien Old Ones that might destroy
all sentient life on Earth, Beyonderman, a super powered alien from
Crapton, Dr. Queer the Gay Magician (who is straight, just
unfortunately named) the League of Goody Two-Shoes … hell you can
do a LOT with 100,000 words, and I did. And yet, to me, it's a very
fast read.
Due out June 2, the day the Wonder
Woman premieres. Entirely a coincidence, I assure you.
