Cover art by K.M. O'Shea
So, I wrote a 100,000 word epic spoof of Wonder Woman just in time for the release of the Wonder Woman movie. I didn't intend to. It was only supposed to run around 60,000 words and get finished a lot sooner. But as I've explained in other posts, my subconscious mind has a way of leading me around once I start a story, and it happened here a lot.
"The Adventures of Bondor Woman,” main storyline centers on the hi-jinks that occurred on Transformation Island, Wonder Woman's reformatory for female criminals. The reform techniques consisted almost entirely of putting female criminals in Venus girdles that compelled obedience to the loving authority provided by the Amazons who were their guards/trainers and (in my opinion) lovers, who also kept them in chains and collars at all times and taught them to love their chains and collars.
This is all canon, folks. The stuff of sweaty lesbian bondage fantasies appeared in what was generally regarded as a children's comic back in the 1940s. Un-fucking-believable, but if you do an image search for "Transformation Island Wonder Woman" the evidence will be right there before you. (It becomes a little more believable if you know that William Marston, creator of Wonder Woman, had a wife and a mistress and they all three lived in what their children describe as one big, happy family. Um, and the mistress, Olive Byrne, wore cuff-like bracelets on her wrists that she never, ever removed.)
There were two things I wanted to do in writing my Wonder Woman parody:
- Hopefully get some new readers by capitalizing on the Wonder Woman movie's media swell and most importantly,
- Write a Wonder Woman spoof that totally focussed on the bondage aspects of the Wonder Woman myth. That's because there are a ton of Wonder Woman fans who absolutely hate those aspects of her origin, fighting it and denying it and ignoring it and attacking those who would bring it into the light of day. I wanted to write a story that would have them absolutely clawing their eyes with despair, screaming and crying and howling with rage at the total WRONGNESS (from their POV) of my story, despite it being inspired by elements of Wonder Woman that are absolutely 100 percent CANON, while everyone who loves the bondage elements of Wonder Woman's canon will be laughing their asses off as they enjoy all the kinky fun. And I think I've succeeded.
I don't have DC's permission to write a straight-up Wonder Woman story, so I had to go the spoof route, which works fine for me, as humor is one of my stocks in trade, and my favorite one. And it occurred to me that there was a very easy and natural way for me to stay out of copyright trouble with DC, which was to dump the Greek myth origins of Wonder Woman and give my character, Bondor Woman, an origin in the All-Mother religion myth I had created in "Treasure of Bagooly Nooly" and "Adventuresof the Ooga-Wooga Kid."
In addition, it helped me take a fresh start with exploring Wonder Woman as goddess. She has been made a goddess twice during her run with DC, and on both occasions, returned to mortality. But comic books are vague on the difference between goddesses and metahumans and and aliens with super powers, so I explored that a bit.
I also explored what it might mean to be a catwoman, especially if catwomen were more like lions than any other species of cat. We follow the Panther Person, a catwoman criminal who is captured by Bondor Woman and involuntarily enrolled in the Transformational Institute for Slave Girls in Bagooly-Nooly as she is trained to become the ultimate person she can be, and the happiest, which turns out not to involve just being a slave girl, but … well, that would be telling.
We also explore the adventures of Bearcatman, a billionaire vigilante whose resemblance to Batman is entirely coincidental. He suspects Bondor Woman may not be entirely on the up and up, and investigates her by going to Bagooly-Nooly and seeking help from proponents of the All-Mother religion, claiming that he is asexual and that he thinks it might arise from having witnessed his parents being murdered when he was a child. He gets a LOT more than he bargained for.
There's also a ton of other stuff: the Secret World Oligarchy and the Evil Planning Committee seeking to control or destroy Bondor Woman, alien Old Ones that might destroy all sentient life on Earth, Beyonderman, a super powered alien from Crapton, Dr. Queer the Gay Magician (who is straight, just unfortunately named) the League of Goody Two-Shoes … hell you can do a LOT with 100,000 words, and I did. And yet, to me, it's a very fast read.
Due out June 2, the day the Wonder Woman premieres. Entirely a coincidence, I assure you.