We've All Been There

"Will somebody drag the slavegirl out of the way?" Image source: Naughty Fakes.com.
Something great comes on TV and the naked slavegirl IS IN THE WAY!

Popsicle Tarts of the Frozen North!

As she waited naked and chained to the bench in the freezing cold, the gag stifling her cries for help, desperately hoping the Mounties would rescue her in time, she imagined that her nipples had become so hard they would leave dents in the boards if she laid down.

Image: Second Life strikes again.

Up On The Roof

"If we had cable I wouldn't have to do this every time he wants to watch the Broncos play."

As she sat there, sky-clad, and waited for the virticies formed by subetheric particles created by the interdimensional helix device (cleverly disguised as an antenna) to lift her spirit into the Other Realm for a quick confab with the Powers of Light and Air while her body remained conveniently located at the helix device it was tied to (left alone, it tended to wander off and have sex with strangers, creating endless difficulties with her husband) her ability to reach 12th level consciousness was considerably diminished by mundane concerns about a truck bearing the legend "Spagnoli Brothers Roofing" that she had seen pull up to the front of the building a few moments ago. Plus, it was raining.

One sentence, 115 words. I believe I am ready for the next Bulwer-Llyton contest.