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Saturday, May 31, 2008

Chupacabra Terror: Dark, Busty Seas


This still image doesn't capture the beauty of this scene, because once the looney scientist on the right leaves, the writhing begins, and by "writhing" we mean furious waggling of ginormous hooters. It is tasty indeed. Too bad about the rest of the movie. It's a Sci-Fi Channel original movie, all right?


Chupacabra: Dark Seas is the story of what happens when a chupacabra gets loose on a ship at sea. Apparently, it kills people a lot. (I thought they were partial to goats.)

The brave captain, his beautiful daughter, the loony scientist and the hero try to track down the chupacabra, but they just can't manage to find it no matter how halfheartedly they search. Which is amazing considering the chupacabra is obviously just a guy in a latex suit.

Finally, the loony scientist decides to set a trap for the chupacabra, and he has excellent taste in bait: he chooses the beautiful, busty, blonde captain's daughter. (Er, it's not the captain who is beautiful, busty and blonde, which is good thing because he's played by John Rhys-Davies.)

What's more, the captain's daughter just happens to be wearing a VERY form-fitting shirt when the loony scientist puts the grab on her (did I mention she was busty?).

In short order she's tied on top of a steel table in the ship's galley, with some nice, bright lights shining on her so we can see every curve and rope and so forth. She's secured to some shelving that's bolted to the table (on a ship, everything has to be bolted down, so she's securely secured).

Best of all, her hands are tied behind her back, and she's secured to the table by a set of breast ropes that nicely set off her huge rack (see: busty). Our busty damsel squirms desperately as she attempts to get free of the ropes, apparently making a very rational decision that her best hope is to waggle her breasts rapidly from side to side in hopes that her incredible woman power will snap the ropes.

I won't reveal whether or not she succeeds. I'll just point out that her wriggling constitutes the only good scene in the entire movie. It's five minutes of gold buried in 90 minutes of slag. Surprising, how often that happens.

3 comments:

kdnpr said...

Odd, after reading this review I've developed an interest in watching the film

Pat Powers said...

Well, that is odd, if by that you want to watch the whole movie. I have to admit, I have a weakness for SciFi Channel movies and will often watch them in preference to much higher quality movies because they are unpretentious fun. I'm partial to movies featuring dinosaurs, giant lizards, giant snakes, etc. But a good crisp SF film will do, too. Chupacabra Terror had a monster that was just a guy in a suit, and it was not crisp in any respect. (A good crisp SF movie might be "Alien Apocalypse" -- plenty of stuff going on in that one).

If you're talking about just the five minutes clip, I'm totally down with that.

kdnpr said...

"you want to watch the whole movie"

No

I'll FF>> through the slag till the gold