Friday, February 5, 2010

Spartacus Has The Hotticus

"I want to wrestle with a few gladitors!" Viva Bianca as a Roman patrician lady with the hots for the gladiators.

Well, I didn’t have much hope for “Spartacus” an original sword and sandal series produced by the Starz network. That’s because it was created for the Starz network, which trends heavily toward family-friendly fare. That tends to detract heavily from the potential for hot slave girl action of course.

But hell, it was On Demand for free and I had nothing better to do for various reasons so I watched the first two episodes. It turned out to be the usual buff-guys-in-leather-diapers stuff that defines peplum, borrowing heavily from the cinematic techniques of “300” with lots of slo-mo blood spillage in the fight scenes.

However, there have been a couple of naked slave girls, some slave girls in chains, and even a slavegirl blowjob.

In a scene between the owner of the gladiator stables and his wife (played by a still red-hot Lucy Lawless) the slave girl is used as a slave girl should be. Lucy and her man are planning to fuck, and as they are casually chatting prior to fucking, planning this and that, and the man gestures to the slave girl, who silently walks forward, kneels before the man, and gives him a blowjob.

The whole scene is done exactly right, it’s not a big deal, just a slave girl being used, absolutely no consideration given to her feelings. A little bondage would have been nice to add to the slave girl feel, but really, the deft handling of the scene kinda makes up for that.

Unfortunately, the slavegirl is wearing the usual baggy slave dress while she gives the blowjob (really, if you can’t strip a slave while she’s giving a blowjob, when CAN you strip a slave?).

Lucy Lawless and Viva Bianca, who play Roman noblewomen, both get naked, interestingly enough, but I saw no naked slave girls There was a slave girl in chains, but clothed. It’s like they are shooting all around the target but missing the bulls eye.

A slavegirl in chains ... and a baggy dress. Sigh. Have they learned nothing?

There are of course, many, many, many, many images of mostly naked men, and some images of totally naked men, far outnumbering the images of naked women.

There are two factors that make me think Spartacus might turn into something other than a naked manfest, and they are:

1) Spartacus’ wife has been enslaved by the Romans, it’s logical she should go through a lot to make Spartacus all mad about Rome and stuff, and hopefully that’ll include a heaping helping of bondage and sex.

2) Spartacus is a Sam Raimi production, he of the busty babes with guns action flicks (Think “Day of the Warrior”). The guy knows his cheese.

All that said, Spartacus isn’t one tenth of one percent as exciting as playing SL Gor. Though if you are female or gay, your mileage just might vary.

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