Virtual Worlds Found To Be Most Efficient Internet Time-Waster

The creation and use of virtual worlds has been discovered to be the most efficient time-waster on the Internet by a whopping 37 percent margin, a new study shows.

"The numbers were virtually astounding," said Marco Sofapommedeterre, president and CEO of Virtual Studies, Inc., the Internet survey firm that conducted the survey, which is famous for keeping its headquarters in Mrs. Sofapommedeterre's basements even after it had grown to become a $10,000 Virtuabucks a month business. ($10,000 Viruabucks equals $3.95 US.)

"Although porn downloading remains by far the biggest time-waster in the Internet by virtue of the fact that a whopping 103 percent of Internet users do it regularly, virtual worlds is MUCH more efficient in terms of the results/time ratio," Sofapommedeterre said. "You spend MUCH more time sitting staring at your computer while the world downloads with virtual worlds. Plus, virtual worlds are MUCH more demanding of computer resources than porn or any other application. It's hard to explain the thrill of staring at a frozen computer screen while your cpu is 98% occupied, and knowing you aren't even downloading a virus -- but it's a real thrill nonetheless!"

The creation of virtual worlds software of various sorts is an even more efficient Internet time waster, Sofapommedeterre said, as 99 percent of all programming activity related to virtual worlds is bound to lead to the creation of virtual worlds that are fated to never have any actual inhabitants.

The proprietary nature of Virtual Studies' survey software means that they can't reveal anything about their methodology or even the number of users polls, but as Senior Media Analyst Susan Whiffenpoof of Bondagerotica says, "Gee, ain't that something?"