50 Shades Of Pearl Scratching

Why can't women masturbate in the wholesome, old-fashioned ways their foremothers did, such as, well .. this one! Image source: Hogtied.com.
Bandwagon jumping on the 50 Shades phenomenon has hit a new low. A post on the Babble blog (a parenting blog) by Carolyn Castiglia describes an item for sale on Ebay through October 8: a used copy of Fifty Shades of Gray. And we mean THOROUGHLY used: its being auctioned off by a trio of Brooklyn wives described as "MILFs." They all enjoyed it VERY much, the ad copy assures us, but the blog post makes sure, saying:

Get it? Three hot white girls scratched the pearl to this book!

There are SO MANY things wrong with this. The cringe-inducing metaphor of "scratching the pearl" ("petting the pearl" or even "poking the pearl" work so much better), the notation that it's "white chicks" (why would it matter if they were hottie black chicks?) but most of all, the fact that if you bid on that book, you are pretty much on par with a Japanese businessman stopping along the way home to buy a pair of used girl's undies from a vending machine.

I still got my old copies of Playboy and Bondage Life stacked away somewhere, and my Gor novels are right on the shelf ... I wonder ... (/me checks his paypal account for income from his ad for the secret to making slavegirls stop drooling, notices there has been none ... naaaaaaaaaaah.

All that said, here's the ebay listing. Never let it be said that I stood between the equivalent of a lonely, perverted Japanese businessman and fulfillment.