Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Picture O’ Doom

“Hope you ladies don‘t mind if I butt in …”

Here’s an image of a damsel in distress scene from the short-lived “Conan” TV series that I think explains in part why the series folded.

First and foremost, there’s the man-butt shot that dominates the image. Instead of focusing on the damsels in distress, we get a shot of the rescuer. And his butt. If you are seeking a straight male audience, this is a mistake. The fact that you made it means you are either gay or dumb. Neither condition augurs well for a person heading a TV show about Conan the Barbarian.

Second, if you’re gonna send Conan around in a leather diaper and nothing else, how about baring some female flesh as well? The women are well dressed, the rescuer is pretty much naked. Once again, gay or dumb.

Third, check out the damsel to the left. The one that’s farthest away from the camera focus. What a great rack she has! She’s the person a regular guy wants to see in this scene, especially with her hands tied behind her back so those enormous tatas of hers right out there. What the fuck is she doing way in the back there? Put her in the front, put Slab McLargehuge in the back. Doing otherwise is just dumb.

My feeling is, if you fuck up a DiD scene this badly, your chances of doing the rest of the show right are pretty much nonexistent.

Every picture tells a story, indeed.


Sasha said...

Xena and Hercules knew how to film half naked leather swathed women, by golly !!

Pat Powers said...

Which undoubtedly accounts for their much longer tenure on the air. Along with the good stories and characters.