It's parliamentary, my dear Watson...

Was she a giant or was the bed tiny? It was all a matter of perspective.

She loved proper procedure and decorum, so she was a veritable table of content when Master tabled the motion.

Image source: Kink.com video 27176, "Love Sick Prisoner" starring Sheena Shaw, Mark Davis and Sasha Banks (not pictured).

A Knack for Making 'Em Smile

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Hard Lessons!

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Surprise!

Civitai cutie says: "Enjoy your stay on this page."

"I guess she CAN put that there!"

Image source: Kink.com video 9084, "No Boys At This Party" starring Katie Kox (poled) and Bobbi Starr (not shown, but probably on the other end of that dildo pole). Katie is really working those eyes of her, and to great effect.

It Beats Selling Popcorn!

Whenever the lines got too long at the Bondage Bijou, they would just take one of their lovely refreshment stand workers and tie her to the box and insert her in the line to give the customers someone to enjoy while they waited to buy their snacks. Cut customer complaints by 99%! Also cut refreshment stand worker complaints by 99%! Win-win!

Image source: Kink.com shoot 18978, "Backstage Bondage Slut: Sexy Slut Used and Fucked in Bondage!" starring Remy Lecroix (pictured) Nacho Vidal and Mr. Pete (not pictured).

Somehow The Scene Was Left On The Cutting Room Floor...

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Behold the Horror of Civitai AI Botches

 Here's a few of the weird-looking disasters I got while trying to use Civitai to create sexy, kinky images in the midst of the credit-card company crackdown on sexiness. To be fair, these images were exceptions. Most of the images I got had minor issues like a deformed hand or wonky eyes in an otherwise all right picture. And much more frequently than I got these monstrosities, I got very nice, very usable art, which I have been using to promote my books. And when AI is good, it can be very, very good.

Yeah, this is straight-up body horror. I did not ask for anything like this. As I recall I was going for a fairly prosaic porn pose, but the Pornmaster model I was working with gave me more, and less, than I had bargained for.

Another bit of horror imagery brought to life unasked. This was from SDXL with no model, just a prompt for a naked woman tied to a bed spreadeagled with ropes. SDXL never did manage to actually tie the woman with ropes, though it did put ropes in every iteration, just lying around looking ropey. This is the worst of the lot, with most of her body sunken into the bed and both hands deformed and horrible. Hence her expression. SDXL got that right! 

So I decided to try prompting SDXL with a request for an image in an artistic style rather than a photorealistic style. In this case I went with pulp novel cover art because I love that stuff. And this was the absolute worst of them. Once again, I just wanted a woman tied to a bed. Where SDXL got this, I have no idea, and I don't want to know, either. (To be fair, most of the images were much better than this. They just didn't include nudity or bondage. But very nice otherwise!)

The thing that gives AI art its particular horror when it strays off the reservation is that parts of the image look so human and real and then other parts get twisted in weird nonhuman ways but also, very realistically... and it's that realistic weirdness that does the trick.

And then there's the images where the AI art really seems to be getting the hang of it, until you notice the model has three legs, one of which ends in a hand... a beautifully rendered hand, mind you, and also with an extra handish thing growing out of her knee. And of course those wonky, wonky eyes.

And at the far end of the spectrum, you get this... the poor woman is just a fading greasy spot on the wall with meaningless iron bars around her. I mean, it could be a woman, but the only part the AI got right was the leg. And it didn't get the leg all THAT right, just looks better than the brown blobs that constitute the rest of the figure.

A lot of my work is image to image work, where you give the AI software a guiding image for it to work from, often in conjunction with a prompt. At left you see my guiding image, a vidcap of a Second Life avatar. At center you see the result I got from Civitai using a simple prompt, "A beautiful woman kneels." As you can see, the Second Life avatar is infinitely better than the "improved" AI version. But on the right you see the version that Leonardo came up with. Images like that are the reason I like working with AI. 

But you know, as I put this post together the Civitai version of the kneeling SL cutie kept reminding me of something. And I soon remembered what it was: It was the botched restoration of the famous historical masterpiece painting of Christ, "Ecce Homo." (I thought it was Italian for "no homo" but it actually means "Behold the Man" which makes more sense.) The flattened colors and the cruder artwork are both there in the botched version of Ecce Homo and in the botched AI version of the SL avatar. But what really nails it is the warped lips, the simplified eyes, the absolutely crude eyebrows. It's truly an eerie echo, and yet at the same time, it's a truly inspiring example of the way both artificial intelligence and natural stupidity can bring us all together to say, "Eew!"

In Xanadu Did Kublai Khan A Stately Pleasure Dome Decree...

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Great Steampunk Bondage Imagery

A lot of bondage porn looks pretty much the same. It can't be helped, human bodies only move in so many different directions. But some photos really stand out above the rest, and this is one of them, IMHO. It's your classic Steampunk Bondage image. the dark-grained wood-background, the archaic-looking electric lights with wire cages instead of lampshades, the metal rack to her right, the metal tubes that make up he complex bondage seat, and most of all the goggles she wears all contribute. She (Cherie Deville in Kink.com shoot 42356) looks like a Victorian subspace explorer testing the very limits of human sexuality, boldly going where no Victorian scientist has gone before! And at the same time there's such helplessness and vulnerability there, with her arms held wide apart and behind her back by her intractable metal bonds, her legs spread wide, her gagged mouth with the trickle of drool running from her facial lips all the way down to her torso to her reddened pussy lips. Obviously something was really active with her pussy, the reddening of arousal is there for all to see. What roused her so cruelly? Perhaps we shall never know.

All right, all right. It was a vibrator that cranked her up!

Drug Tests, Slavegirl Style

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Only in the Far West

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Naked Women of Cell Block F Reviewed

"Please excuse us for swarming you like this, sir, but we've been in prison and ... it's been a long time for us ..." Image source: Vidcap from "Women of Cell Block F."
While converting my library of old VHS tapes to DVD format, I came across a film I did not know I had taped, Girls of Cell Block F, a XXX film. (There is a fair amount of stuff in my video collection that I did not know I had taped, most of it is garbage. Some, or as my wife puts it, "almost all") of the stuff I KNOW I taped is garbage, too. But at least I knew I had it!)

Remember the old Jolly Roper department, "The No Bondage Zone", filled with films that by all rights SHOULD have had bondage but had little or none? Well, The Women of Cell Block F (I'm not calling it The Girls of Cell Block F, as it's not a juvenile prison) goes the inhabitants of "The No-Bondage Zone" one better. Its title clearly indicates that it should be a women in prison movie, but it lacks one of the two things that are essential to a women in prison film ... a prison! (The other, of course, is women, which the movie DOES have ... see above.)

Frankly, I'm pretty sure the movie is the way it is because it's a budgie job.

How did they manage that? And what's a budgie job? (You Monty Python fans might be able to guess.) Read the review here and learn all, as well as seeing images from VHS tapes copied so long ago that the video smearing renders some XXX-rated scenes into a soft R rating.


My video collection is full of interesting stuff, like this vidcap of the widest, raunchiest spreadeagle bondage in non-premium cable television -- it's from an episode of the Howard Stern Show that used to run on the E! Network, featuring Jaqi, a professional tickler of women. Image source: vidcap from the Howard Stern show.

Gotcha!

"I'm going to have his full attention in about one second" ... squeeze ... Image source: hogtied.com.

... but he's so cute!

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Fork U: Cosmo's Horrible BDSM Sex Tips Inspired By Fifty Shades of Grey

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Captain Underpants Tops Fifty Shades of Grey!

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Soft Bondage and Hard Bondage Definition (s)

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Getting Bendy

Many people pooh-poohed her for visiting the chiropractor, saying his treatments were not really medicine ... but they felt so GOOD ... afterward ... Image source: Bobbi Starr on Hogtied.

Details, Details ...

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Water Break For Justine Joli

Just another day on the set of 50 Shades of Gray. Image source: kink.com shoot 3191 and Behind Kink.

Ok, wer'e kidding here. That's geek girl hottie Justine Joli in a behind the scenes shot of the Kink.com site "Behind Kink." Miss Jolie is getting a water break in the midst of a grueling dildo bondage scene for one of Kink's sites, probably Hogtied.com. It's a surprisingly hot image, Jolie so naked, helpless and bound, having to have the water glass raised to her lips while she drinks, the dildo still invading her pussy.

The Behind Kink site gives you images and videos of what goes into the making of Kink.com's various adult videos. Even though I liked this particular photo, I'm not sure what the attraction is here, maybe it's the porn industry's equivalent of the glamor profiles they used to do of movie stars or the promos of of movies they did in the old Hollywood studio days. Except of course, visitors pay specifically to see this content. Well, I guess I can chalk it up to the vagaries of Rule 34.