The Three Legged Stool, Cheese Theory And The Great American Maledom/Femsub Heroic Adventure Story

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Adventures of Hercules In The Land of Cheese

"Oh ... goody. Another rescue. How many times do I have to get tied up like this before the big lunk gets the idea?" Source: vidcap from "The Adventure of Hercules." Thanks to the good folks at the Peplum blog for pointing it out!
The Adventures of Hercules is a ripe piece of sword and sandal cheese from 1985 starring strongman Lou Ferrigno. The reviewers on the Internet Movie Data Base give it a fairly thorough drubbing, but frankly it does not sound much worse than a lot of other family-oriented sword and sandal flicks.

And in one respect, it's much better than most. In this adventure, Hercules has a couple of lovely young wenches accompanying him on at least some of his adventures, and I guess it being 1985 they figured out that some watchers would like to see skimpily clad females along with the usual leather-diaper clad male lead, and the female leads are MOST entertaining. You can check out a very abridged version of the movie to see more of what I'm talking about.


That's what I'm talking about!

More Bad Cheerleader Training

"All right, whose idea was it to practice our human pyramids by strapping ourselves to flimsy, very flammable wooden platforms? In retrospect, a VERY bad idea! Especially in the middle of the Roman Coliseum! Was it the Christians? AGAIN?? Didn't you learn ANYTHING from the hungry lion training fiasco?"
Image source: Vidcap from "Fabiola" aka "The Fighting Gladiator" I found on Google. (Were there NON-fighting gladiators? I imagine that made the job of the fighting gladiators much easier!)

Adventure Bound Comics Have It Going On

Mostly naked bound and gagged Amazons being herded off to sex slavery by other Amazons. Life is good!

Adventure Bound comics is a site where a variety of artists create comic adventures with a definite bondage theme. There's this story about Amazons at war, another about Barbarian Babes captured, and plenty of other stories about spies, kidnap victims, all the fun stuff you like on a good damsel in distress bondage site. Check it out here or click on the pic above.


It is good to be the queen!

There Goes the Grade Curve!

“So you‘re the little lady who thinks she knows how to do long division using Roman numerals! Well, let me tell you something, sister -- we‘re ROMANS and we can‘t figure it out!”

Image from some peplum or other.

Hercules and the Tyrants of Babylon

"Say, this being chained together is great fun!" "Yes, indeedy!" "I love it!" "When we get home, we must INSIST that we be chained up all the time!" "Huzzah!"

OK, I might be paraphrasing just a LEETLE bit here. The scene is a vidcap from Hercules and the Tyrants of Babylon, this week's movie review. Like Thor and the Amazon Women, it's full of a number of things: intrigue, betrayal, cavalry charges, revolting slaves (I mean, just LOOK at the dresses those women are wearing!) secret tunnels, secret pigeons and the stupidest civil engineering feat in the history of civilization. It's definitely worth a look!

Stupid Has A New Favorite Shape -- Circle of Iron!

Scratch one vow of chastity!

Today Bondagerotica is updated with a review of Circle of Iron a ridiculously pretentious Zen martial arts movie. It features a hippie-dippie traveling Renfair, a man in a barrel of oil (voluntarily, and with no fire underneath it) and an argument over who’s the bigger crucifier of women. Not to mention Kane from Kung Fu spouting Zen babble like he was a bubble machine and they were Zen bubbles. Joe Bob would say “Check it out.”

What Should A Slave Girl Look Like (in a sword and sandal movie)?

AKA: The Hottitude of Servitude

A screen cap from the new "Age of Conan" video game. Oh, there's gonna be some sore thumbs created by this one.

On my Bondagerotica site I have a new article "What Should A Slavegirl Look Like (in a Sword and Sandal Film)" aka "The Hottitude of Servitude". Basically, it's a primer for sword and sandal filmmakers on how to use slavegirl imagery to crank up the hottitude in a sword and sandal film to any desired level. So many filmmakers have been abject failures in this respect that I really felt I ought to help them out.

There's also a series of visual analyses of sexy slave girl scenes though some are admittedly not so sexy -- failure can be as instructive as success, and there's a lot more instruction of that sort available anyway.

In addition, there's also a Slavegirl Scene Hottidunal Index that attempts to create a rough guide to how powerfully various slavegirl accoutrements and behaviors, such as bondage gear, skimpy or no clothing, and sexual activity, will affect a scene among a mostly vanilla audience. I know there's a lot of subjectivity in that area, I just tried to create a general framework for judging the hottitude of a given slavegirl scene. All the scenes in my visual analyses are ranked according to the index, with plenty of explanation about why their index ranking is misleading. I figure, better me than someone else.

The article includes caps from Arena, Gor, Star Trek, Flash Gordon, HBO's series "Rome," Warrior Queen, Arabian Nights, Hercules and the Captive Women, Deathstalker, Barbarian Queen, Quest of the Delta Nights, the Age of Conan video game, Mei King, Invincible Barbarian, Star Wars, Alien Sex Files 3, Cleopatra 2525, Alien Apocalypse, Son of Sinbad and ... other stuff.

It was a huge amount of fun putting this article together, I hope you have as much fun reading it as I had writing it. (It's unlikely, but I'm rooting for you.)

Announcing Our New Sword And Sandal Section On Bondagerotica

Now, that's a well-designed gag. In the sense it has actually been DESIGNED, not some scrap picked up from the prop room floor.
This week over at Bondagerotica, we have a new section on sword and sandal movies. Seems everyone and his cousin is making one right now ... I'll have a list up soon ... and so I have prepared much-needed advice on how to handle slavegirl imagery properly. Hollywood will be SOOOOO grateful. They'll probably make up an Oscar, just for me. Because they just don't get enough free advice on how to do things.

Very Important Slave Leia Research at DragonCon 2008

"Greetings from Dragoncon 2008!"

Don't have much witty or fun to say today, because I've been very busy attending Dragoncon 2008 and doing important research for an upcoming article on slavegirls in sword and sandal films for my website, such as taking pics of these two cuties in Slave Leia outfits. Yeah, research, that's what it is ... research.