Angelica's Saige Thoughts

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Everything Old is Re-Contextualized Again

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50 Shades of BDSM Stereotypes

I hope he steretypically fucks my brains out!" Image source: Sex and Submission.
Ran across an article on the Huffington Post that did an excellent job of disputing the stereotypes about male dominants that float around in the culture and are unfortunately confirmed by the Christian Gray character in 50 Shades of Gray. Best of all, it disputes them with some good clean science! Nice to see something fairly substantive showing up in my flying monkeys' grab bags. Most of the articles they find are rather shallow, but whaddya expect, they are flying monkeys and a lot of the stuff they find are from the more mainstream-ish sites.

I don't think the character was created by E.L. James to confirm such stereotypes. She just wanted to create a brooding hero like the male lead of Wuthering Heights. But there is is, she sure did confirm the stereotypes. I'm so pleased with her success, but I guess you gotta take the good with the bad.

Guess what happens next

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The Thong Police Strike Again

"But officer, what did I do?"
"You wore a thong, ma'am."
"But this is the beach, there's no law against wearing a thong at the beach."
"Never said there was, ma'am. We just like putting handcuffs on cute women in thongs."


Image source: The Daily Mail Online, reporting on an actual incident that occurred in Myrtle Beach, USA. The Daily Mail will truly search the world for pictures of thong-clad women being handcuffed. They know their readership!

The Sling Thong

Jeebus.
Bondagerotica is updated with a new article in the "Just A Slavegirl" section of "What Should A Slavegirl Look Like's" image analysis section, titled "The Sling Thong." The picture just about speaks for itself, but of course, I have some further comments to make, such as: "Jeebus, what a body!"

How To Handle Thrilling Wonder Science Cheese

On the right we have  a vidcap from the SyFy Channel TV series "Flash Gordon" showing an actress in a slave serving girl costume, On the left, we have a Second Life avatar modeling slave silks from the slut Albatros wholesale retailer shop in the Second Life Marketplace website. The Second Life slavegirl silk designers are trying to tell you something, movie and TV executives! Sure, you think SyFy is for kids, but give Mom and Dad something to look at, too!
(By way of introduction: this is a post I put on a message board around November 2007. As you will observe, it offers cogent advice and plenty of it for the executives responsible for the SciFi original series Flash Gordon, based on my cheese-o-analysis system. Unfortunately, Flash Gordon was cancelled by the SciFi Channel, brought about by poor ratings caused by the fact that it really, really stank, not to mention its executives never took any of my advice. This is about the time we would have been seeing a Season 2 series of Flash Gordon had it not stank and hence been renewed, so I thought I'd post this in hopes that maybe some future Flash Gordon producer or other sci fi thrilling wonder story series producer (the principles are pretty much the same for all of them) will see it and do things right next ... oh, sorry, gotta go, the flying pigs are here with all my lotto winnings!)

As we all know, Flash Gordon will

Sa-a-ave the Uni-verse!

And now folks, it's our time to save Flash Gordon.

The first season is a stinker and right now there's no reason to believe the second season will be any different. Flash is in danger because the people who made the original program have no idea what the hell they are doing. The ratings dropped by half from the premiere to the second episode.

Flash being a guy who'll risk his life to save the universe from Ming, I must risk my credibility as anonymous Internet posters to save Flash, by posting whatever harebrained, whackadoodle schemes I can come up with to save the series on a message board which probably isn't read by the producers of Flash Gordon, but MIGHT be read by 1 or 2 people in Vancouver, Canada, where the show is produced.

And that could produce a chance ... a slim chance, but a chance nonetheless ... that someone from Vancouver might read these ideas and be so overwhelmed by one of them and then be so moved that they go out and kidnap a Flash Gordon executive from the set of Flash Gordon, and force them to listen to the idea, and then the exec is so overwhelmed by the idea that they retool all the remaining episoldes based on the new idea, and it's a HUGE SUCCESS because it's actually fun to watch.

It ...
JUST
MIGHT
HAPPEN!!!!!!!

(But it probably won't and please don't anybody construe this as urging people to do something illegal. I get enough grief for my own illegal activities, thank you very much.)

It's pretty clear that the people who created the Flash Gordon series don't understand why people enjoyed the original Flash Gordon. The original series offered both Thrilling Wonder Super Science cheese and Exotic Adventures in Foreign Lands cheese.

Thrilling Wonder Super Science cheese isn't all that hard to do. There's a SciFi Channel series that is doing a topnotch job of delivering that brand of cheese right now: it's called "Eureka." Every week the wacky scientists of Eureka come up with some strange new invention or project, or unexpected side effect of a strange new invention or project that Sheriff Carter has to deal with.

It is topnotch thrilling wonder super science cheese with good writing and characterization to boot, I happily watch it every week.

The orgiinal Flash Gordon series delivered the thrilling wonder super science cheese with its stubby spaceships and ray guns and so forth, and it worked because that was new and exciting stuff to see in a movie or TV series at the time. It won't work now because it's old hat: to reuse it you just about have to do it as camp, like the 1984 Flash Gordon movie did, and the Flesh Gordon parody did, both to good effect.

Updating the thrilling wonder super science cheese won't be hard, just give the Mongonians nanotech and artificial intelligences and they'll be fine.

Unfortunately, the Mongo that we've seen so far looks, well, primitive and dirt poor. Feudal. Not the sort of place you'd expect to find advanced super science in. Frankly, the impression I've gotten of Mongo is that a single armored cavalry division from ANY of the world's top 20 or 30 armies could take the whole planet without a whole lot of bother. With the excepton of Ming's palace, the place is a dump.

(Of course, it's easy enough to handwave away Mongo's primitiveness by postulating that the Mongonians inherited super science tech from a more advanced earlier civilization, making them dangerous for all their apparent primitiveness, but no one has bothered to do that yet.)

Otherwise, if they want Mongo to look dangerous and advanced, it ought to look richer than Earth, not poorer.

The other cheese that the original Flash Gordon delivered was strange adventures in exotic lands. This cheese cannot be served by having Flash spend so much of his time wandering around the outskirts of Vancouver, Canada. He needs to be on Mongo, seeing strange and exotic plants and animals, meeting with strange and exotic peoples, and visiting strange and exotic cities full of weird looking buildings and such.

(I have to say, if the creators of the series had even a HINT that this kind of cheese was part of what viewers want when they watch Flash Gordon, in a recent episode when an animal came to Earth via a stray rift (an excellent plot device, BTW) they would have delivered something different than a slightly larger than Earth sized dragonfly. Maybe a flying snake with glowing green eyes and batwings. Something, you know, exotic.)

Of course, it does take money to really do nice sets and great CGI graphics and such to totally deliver that otherworldy look. But I think viewers would accept a little tacky so long as they're delivering the cheese. And frankly, the mistakes that have been made so far have been products of not knowing what they're doing rather than just budgeting. For example, it probably would have cost no more to deliver a CGI flying batwinged snake lizard than it took to deliver that slightly larger than earth sized CGI dragonfly.

And there's an additonal bit of cheese that could help a lot: sexy cheese that plays into the Exotic Lands cheese. Start all the costume design for young Mongonian women with string thongs. Add a few wisps of silk, some metallic armbands, headbands and whatnot, and stop right there. Fanservice has always worked for any kind of medium whose audience is primarily male, so there's no reason it wouldn't work for Flash. Hell, have the guys run abound in jogging shorts and shoulder harnesses and nothing much else if you want to be sexually egalitarian and all. (Though you really need to remember that your core audience is male and straight and put the cameras on the gals most of the time. Otherwise you'll start hearing "Flash Gordon" jokes along the lines of -- well, you remember the song "I'm A Sweet Transvestite from Transexual Transylvania" from "Rocky Horror Picture Show" where the gay lead sings to another guy, "We can take in a few Steve Reeve movies"?)

Cheese theory alone won't make a show a success. You still need good writing and characters. But cheese theory does help deliver good writing, because it forces writers to think about the audience appeal of their works.

There, I've said what I have to say, albeit in a place where it has a snowball's chance in hell of doing some good. I have done as much to save Flash Gordon as any human being not employed by the series may reasonably be asked to.

The Strange Story of Board Girls

Now, that's what I call a wedgie!

It happens all the time: women come into emergency rooms with 2x8 inch boards wedged so tightly into their butts that it requires medical interveintion to get them out.

The women are often reluctant to have the boards removed. The constant feel of the board between their legs rubbing against their naughty bits drives them wild with lust and eventually leads to a state of perpetual horniness that is so intense that it is almost a match for the ordinary male sex drive.

These "board girls" become so enamored of their boards that they refuse to let go of them under any circumstances, causing great difficulties in elevators, airplanes and bathroom stalls.

Often, extensive psychological counselling is required before they can be persuaded to give up their beloved boards.

OK, now for the truth, which is interesting enough anyway. The image above is from a bondage video that I rented about a decade ago. I think it may have been a Bruce Seven video, but I'm not sure.


One of the more complex methods of rubbing one out.

It portrays a fairly standard bondage scenario -- a naked (well, in this case, thong-clad) woman is chained hand and foot in a standing spreadeagle with a large (often 2x8") board hanging vertically between her legs, suspended on chains. Typically there is a niche cut in the board, lined with fabric. The board is hoisted on chains until it rubs right up against the woman's naughty bits.

The point of this elaborate rig is that the board has a lot of inertia. Any movement by the woman's torso results in movement by the board, causing it to rub up against her naughty bits. This often resutls in more movement, causing more rubbing, causing more movement causing more rubbing, etc., etc. until orgasm occurs.

The particular genius of this video is that the videographer, instead of shooting the majority of the scene from the usual, prosaic side view, set up the camera to the rear of the model and below her, as if he were trying to get an upskirt shot. Instead he got an upboard shot, and because models butt cheeks completely hide the niche in the board, it looks like she's got a board wedged deep in her butt.

The other thing that really makes the scene work is that the model really sells it, working the board with her butt like she was a Vietnamese hooker trying to get a rolled-up, rubber-banded twenty dollar bill off a GI's dick with her pussy. She makes little moans and grunts and it's hard to say if it's distress or pleasure, but given the way her butt clenches and release the board, you have to figure it's pleasure.

I have completely forgotten the name of the video, because I didn't copy the rest of it, which was utterly forgettable. But that one scene ... whoa! Board Girl will always be famous as far as I'm concerned.

Hot, naked, raunchy sex ...

... or is it?

I have on many occasions observed that the modern thong bikini bottom can function as a substitute for nudity in nudity-challenged environments like non-premium cable television channels.

(By this I do not mean to disparage nudity, which I consider absolutely the most attractive form of attire for any woman, and compared to which thongs are a paltry thing indeed. It's just that the world is full of benighted folk who don't understand this, and who have undue influence in the media and elsehwere, there being so fucking many of them.)

The photo above is an excellent example. The woman having hot sex appears to be naked, but she is in fact clad in a thong bottom. The most you can say about her is that she's topless. Presumably, if she put on a bikini bra she could do the exact same thing she's doing in this photo on a public beach and not be guilty of any crime. And that's why thongs are great.

We're having a heat wave!

It was a 101 degrees today when I was out and about. And speaking of hot ...

Where does this very hot bondage image come from? I'll tell you up front, it's not from a commercial bondage magazine or video. It's not from a porn publication or video of any kind.

Yet the intent of the photo is CLEARLY pornographic, in fact, I've seen many pornographic images that couldn't touch this one for hotness. The up-butt perspective of the camera, the way the butt is stuck out in a raunchy sexual presentation way, the way her hands fight the cuffs, emphasizing her bondage, the way she clutches the chain link fence, her dishevelled hair -- it's hot stuff alrighty.

If nobody figures it out, I'll post the answer in a response to this post tomorrow.

The Perfect String Thong Bikini

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