Friday, August 1, 2008

The Strange Story of Board Girls

Now, that's what I call a wedgie!

It happens all the time: women come into emergency rooms with 2x8 inch boards wedged so tightly into their butts that it requires medical interveintion to get them out.

The women are often reluctant to have the boards removed. The constant feel of the board between their legs rubbing against their naughty bits drives them wild with lust and eventually leads to a state of perpetual horniness that is so intense that it is almost a match for the ordinary male sex drive.

These "board girls" become so enamored of their boards that they refuse to let go of them under any circumstances, causing great difficulties in elevators, airplanes and bathroom stalls.

Often, extensive psychological counselling is required before they can be persuaded to give up their beloved boards.

OK, now for the truth, which is interesting enough anyway. The image above is from a bondage video that I rented about a decade ago. I think it may have been a Bruce Seven video, but I'm not sure.

One of the more complex methods of rubbing one out.

It portrays a fairly standard bondage scenario -- a naked (well, in this case, thong-clad) woman is chained hand and foot in a standing spreadeagle with a large (often 2x8") board hanging vertically between her legs, suspended on chains. Typically there is a niche cut in the board, lined with fabric. The board is hoisted on chains until it rubs right up against the woman's naughty bits.

The point of this elaborate rig is that the board has a lot of inertia. Any movement by the woman's torso results in movement by the board, causing it to rub up against her naughty bits. This often resutls in more movement, causing more rubbing, causing more movement causing more rubbing, etc., etc. until orgasm occurs.

The particular genius of this video is that the videographer, instead of shooting the majority of the scene from the usual, prosaic side view, set up the camera to the rear of the model and below her, as if he were trying to get an upskirt shot. Instead he got an upboard shot, and because models butt cheeks completely hide the niche in the board, it looks like she's got a board wedged deep in her butt.

The other thing that really makes the scene work is that the model really sells it, working the board with her butt like she was a Vietnamese hooker trying to get a rolled-up, rubber-banded twenty dollar bill off a GI's dick with her pussy. She makes little moans and grunts and it's hard to say if it's distress or pleasure, but given the way her butt clenches and release the board, you have to figure it's pleasure.

I have completely forgotten the name of the video, because I didn't copy the rest of it, which was utterly forgettable. But that one scene ... whoa! Board Girl will always be famous as far as I'm concerned.

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