Sunday, July 20, 2008

When TV Magic Goes Bad

Trussed up like Thanksgiving tur ... uh, maybe the wrong metaphor here.

You know you've fucked up badly as a magician when, instead of appearing on Celebracadabra or Amazing TV Magic Queers, a video of your act shows up on Spike TV's Most Shocking Videos.

In this instance, a bold young escape artist has his two female assistants chained to a frame while male assistants scatter easily ignitable fiery stuff around them. Then the escape artist is chained up and sealed in a duffel bag or something like one. He must escape and free the young lovelies before they are turned into crispy cuties by the flames.

"Please note the chains that ensure that at no time will these women's heads leave their necks!"

The two cuties are chained to the frame with much ado, and then the escape artist is chained and bagged. Unfortunately, while they're still bagging up the escape artist, one of the magician's male assistants accidentally sets off the fiery stuff well before it was supposed to be set off.

This is a very bad thing because apparently, part of the magic of the act involved the chained cuties working themselves free unnoticed while the audience's attention is focused on the escape artist. So the fire flared up before the cuties were free.

This resulted in much realistic screaming and frantic attempts to free themselves and frantic attempts to help them by the male helpers. One cutie gets free very quickly, the other never does free herself. Fortunately, one of the smarter male assistant grabs a fire extinguisher and puts the fire out quickly. The chained cuties escape with only minor burns, which sounds great, but as anyone who's been sunburned knows, even minor burns can be quite painful.

There's a lesson here, and it's very simple. Don't be a magician's assistant. Not all of them know what they're doing. And that goes double for their other assistants.

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