Monday, July 28, 2008

It's all about getting between the goalposts, baby!

Faces obscured to protect the naughty.

The symbolism here is very clear. If you can get to the goalposts, you'll score -- in more ways that one. I think this is definitely a good idea and should add great excitement to any game. But I don't think it should be confined to pep rallies, as seen here.

I think it should become common practice to secure the second string cheerleading squad to the goalposts during all games (the first string squad being engaged in leading cheers).

Ideally, they should be secured there naked, but in the interests of modesty I suppose they could wear thongs and crop tops that come just below the breasts. I see them secured to the crossbar of the goalposts via long chains that end in manacles about a foot above their heads, keeping them nice and upright and straining the croptops to their utmost, so that if any of them should jump up and down with excitement when their team makes a big gain or sacks the opposing quarterback, as cheerleaders often do, there will definitely be some breast flashing going on.

In fact they could use their manacles to do gymnastics movies like the iron cross and so forth, which would come in very handy when there are a lot of players in the end zone.

The cheerleaders should also be gagged to make them look more like damsels in distress who need rescuing. And sexier, too.

Of course, the team that wins the game gets to free the other teams' imprisoned cheerleaders and haul them off to the locker room for a rousing post-game orgy.

The losing team has to free the opposing cheerleaders and take them out to a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant, and then go home alone after being declared too wimpy for a goodbye kiss.

Now, that would be an all-American tradition.


Anonymous said...

Interesting ideas.

Pat Powers said...

Yes, I'm awaiting my MacArthur genius grant with bated breath!