The Misunderstanding

When they asked if she wanted to try it on, she thought they’d said, “Want to wear the soft ballgag?” when in fact they’d said, “Want to wear the softball gag?” By which they’d meant, “softball-sized gag.”

Image of gorgeous bondage model Charley Chase from Bondagerotica advertiser Hogtied.

For The Bondagette Who’s Tried Everything

She had endured every form of bondage known to mankind: hogties, savage folds, wrist-ankle ties, full suspension, four point spreads, you name it. But nothing had prepared her for the horror of … Radio Shack Bondage!

Image: vidcap from some movie or other.

Witless on Lothar: The Embarrassiation Continues!

“Hello out there! Room service! Concierge! … Oh, some demorat is going to pay for this!”

Has Anne Coaltar survived death in Chapter 1? The fact that there's a Chapter 2 should be a bit of a clue on that issue. What further perils will Anne face? Was it just one hell of a party, or is something else going on? Read Chapter 2 of the Epic Cycle Saga Series and discover just how horrifying drinking water can be!

Image: artwork I created myself with a few tools provided by Second Life.

Loaded Question

“Does this bondage pose make my butt look big? C‘mon, be honest now! My feelings won‘t be hurt if you say yes, I promise!”

Image courtesty of advertiser Sex and Submission.

Tanning Without A Permit

“You’re under my crotch! Er, under arrest!”
Captain Closeau had been retired from the force years ago, yet still he patrolled the beaches and cuffed suspects in his own particular way.

Image: vidcap from the French film Le Gendarme Et Le Sextraterrestres, which I’m SURE is a very serious, sophisticated film.

Smell The Hand

“Look, please don't be offended considering you've got me tied naked to this cross and all, but have you ever considered … washing ... that fist?”

Image: vidcap from the Italian film Murder Obsession.

Virtual Slave Girls of Second Life

So virtual … and so hot! (Notice it’s nose ring and clit ring compatible. Now, that’s multitasking!

The artificial cyberspace world known as "Second Life" (think "World of Warcraft" for grownups, where people design their own scenarios) has a very large and active group of roleplayers who like to participate in sims based on John Norman's Gor novels.

A goodly percentage (some say the majority) are women who like to roleplay at being slavegirls at least part of the time. Possibly much of the time. They have an enormous range of costuming available from virtual clothing designers. How do they dress? Exactly the way I say sexy slave girls should dress in sword and sandal/sorcery movies. It’s like regular people like the sexy and Hollywood doesn’t. I thought the media was pushing the sexy onto an American public that has no interest in it. What’s going on? And what implications does this have for sword and sandal/sorcery movies?

Image: billboard ad found in Second Life sim. Try searching for Alika Designs while in Second Life.

Traffic Cop

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Inflatable Furniture

“Here, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy.”

Number one in the Top Ten Signs That You Need To Get Out There And Start Dating Again: you build a chair like this.

Image: I believe I got this from a Midori-related website, based on the image title.

Witless on Lothar Embiggens The Web

“Well, there’s something you don’t see every day at a Renfair …”

I’ve finally gotten sick of writing about how a sword and sandal movie should be done, so I’ve decided to write my own. Granted, John Norman has probably done it better than I ever will, but I have something he doesn’t -- a completely shameless willingness to commit parody.

Hence, the first chapter of Witless on Lothar, the first book in the Lotharionian Epic Cycle Saga Series is approporiate called "The Beginningnation" and deals with what happens when Ann Coaltar wakes up naked and chained to a rock after what was apparently one hell of a party, and meets up with two Renfair types.

Image: Bondagerotica sponsor Sex and Submission, of course.

When Asian Films Get Medieval

“You‘re going to use all that wood to burn little ole me? You shouldn’t have! No, really you SHOULDN’T have!”

Image: From an Asian epic called Chai Gong (not absolutely sure my spelling is correct, but I’m close).

You Should See What He Does If You Don’t Pay Your Bar Tab

“All right, so she spilled peanuts all over the bar … I still think this is kinda harsh!”

Image: Vidcap from this week’s episode of “Life on Mars” featuring Paige Turco bound and gagged.

Legend of the Seeker Gets Bondage-licious

Well, that’s one way to store a hot blond.

Sure, you are looking at a picture of a half-naked blond suspended by her wrists. But do you know what movie or TV show it’s from? Well, you probably do if you read the title of this article. Fact is, Legend of the Seeker has had bondage scenes in its last three episodes and will have a bondage scene in this week’s upcoming episode. And there’s yet ANOTHER scene in a further upcoming episode.

Furthermore, the bondage is incredibly varied. Not one scene is like any other. And the recent “Conversion” episode had a very lengthy bondage scene featuring one damsel tightly bound with straps and two damsels chained arms overhead.

(And sorry about not updating yesterday. I had some kind of virus and all I could do was stay in bed and feel miserable, so I did that. Feeling much better now.)

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!

“Why yes, my lobes ARE enormous … and they’re real!”

Here’s an image of a Twilek Slave Girl in bondage, lookin’ all green for Saint Patrick’s Day. If I’d THOUGHT about it I’d have saved the image of the green rock maiden from Legend of the Seeker, OR the girl tied on the green bench, wearing the green gag, OR the green alien woman with the red hair in elbow stocks, but NOOOO, I didn’t, so here’s a very attractive young woman dressed out as a Twilek slave girl, tied to a pole.

(I looked for some Orion slave girls, but they never seem to get tied up. Another reason for their lack of popularity, I suspect.)

Image: provenance unknown. I’m betting a glamour-type photo of a cosplayer, but I just don’t know. If anyone does know, let me know, so I can give credit where credit is due.

Fashion Forward

“I told you that I’d have you gagged if you said I was gay one more time. I’m not gay! This is what metrosexual evil overlords wear! And my cheeks and lips are just naturally red! And I have naturally long eyelashes! And women make poor henchmen! Look at my Super Death Ray! Is that gay? If I was gay do you think I’d want to destroy New York with all its great gay bars?”

Image from “The Purple Monster Strikes,” which is SO not gay!

Feast of Souls Reviewed

“I said I wanted a Mai Tai, not that I wanted myself tied!”
We’ve got a double update this weekend, with a review of the C.S. Friedman novel Feast of Souls. It’s a high fantasy novel with an intriguing take on magical powers. It has no bondage or even maledom/femsub stuff, but it should, it really, really should. I explain how and why it should. The picture above is linked to that explanation -- metaphorically, not literally.

Image courtesy of Bondagerotica sponsor Public Disgrace.

Explicit Sex Scene From The Watchmen

With Dr. Manhattan of the Watchmen, every night was bukkake night. The real reason his first wife left him was that she was just tired of feeling sticky.

Building A Sports Franchise The Hard Way

Y’know, red hair works surprisingly well with green skin. Creates a nice, Christmas-y effect.

Apparently, slavers have been capturing Orion women for immoral porpoises (i.e., increasing the Orion slave girl supply for future Star Trek telecasts) since the 1950s, to judge from this image from the January 1954 issue of Dynamic Science Fiction. This particular woman is clearly destined for an Orion slave girl basketball team. I didn’t even know they had Orion slave girl basketball teams, but I approve wholeheartedly of the concept.

By the way, I found this image at a fun website called Babes In Space which was created by some adademics at Penn State University. The link leads to a page about alien babes in bondage (there aren‘t that many images and their standards for bondage are not high, but they‘re all fun images, and besides, we mustn't be hard on them, they're academics). And be sure and visit the home page for more fun stuff on the “Babes In Space” site.

Image: January 1954 cover of Dynamic Science Fiction.

Spring Cleaning

“What do you mean, ‘wet paint’?”

It’s spring, and as we head into the shed and haul out last year’s lawn furniture, it’s not at all unusual to find stuff we’d left on the lawn and forgotten about.

Image: Vidcap from “The Unit.”

Heroes: Spreader Bar, Shackles and Sirik for Ali Larter. Sweet.

“Does this makeup make my cheeks look red?”.

Heroes had another scene with Ali Larter still imprisoned by Homeland Super Security, still under the McDonald’s fry lamps. This time they made up for past mistakes by shackling her feet as well as putting the spreader bar on her. The super red lighting really screws things up, but we can hope that there will be a rescue soon that will involve breaking the fry lamps and returning things to normal lighting.

There’s also a short bit of her being escorted by a covey of armed guards in prison orange, her hands and ankles chained in a sirik, a clear plastic tube running up to her nose for some reason. It’s not at all well filmed.

And we can hope that the tendency toward more bondage increases. I mean, how do they know Ali doesn’t have super freeze breath? Shouldn’t they gag her? And frankly, a butt plug would be a good idea, but probably too much to be hoped for.

Image: Vidcap from this week’s “Heroes.”

It’s Low Fantasy Time On “Legend of the Seeker”

Surely there’s an easier way to get knockers on a door.

Legend of The Seeker is starting to pop with the bondage imagery, after a long dry spell. The episode “Revenant” had a brief cuff scene, the episode Hartland had a mammalicious babe in a cleavage-baring outfit chained to a rock (not a long scene, but still …) and an upcoming episode has this bit of strappy bondage.

Ah, Sword and Sorcery. It may start out high fantasy, but it gets to the low fantasies sooner or later. (Leer.)

Image: promo vidcap from The Legend of the Seeker TV show website.

Technical Difficulty

Her (thinking):“You know, I don’t think the Heimlich maneuver WORKS when you’re gagged. I’d better tell him … oh, that’s right …”

Image: vidcap from an unknown movie or TV show, like so many of them in my collection.

Buy Quaker Instant Oatmeal Or I’ll Shoot This Woman!

“Hi, I’m Wilford Brimley, and if you don’t buy some damn Quaker Instant Oatmeal, like INSTANTLY, I’m going to shoot this woman. It’ll hurt her bad, but you know what -- Liberty Medical Supply will have just what she needs for her recovery period.”

Image: vidcap from the movie Beer for My Horses with Wilford Brimley holding Claire Forlani hostage.

Riding It Out

The one thing she had not taken into account when planning her self-bondage session was just how long-lasting the “long-lasting” alkaline batteries she had purchased would be. She‘d thought the term was just advertising glurge -- it hadn’t occurred to her that the technology might have advanced. Now there was nothing to do but ride it out and hope there was some kind of limit to the number of orgasms in a multiple orgasm.

Image: a hentai of unknown provenance. If anyone knows, let me know, I’d love to give credit for this imaginative drawing.

Hostel 2: It’s All About Plausible Deniability, Man

“We’re just not seeing things the same way any more, baby.”

I really dislike horror movies, but I was intrigued by the whole “torture porn” thing that occurred with Hostel 2 so I had to have a look at it, like it or not. And I didn’t. But I was rewarded for my perseverance (though not monetarily OF COURSE): I discovered that the whole “torture porn” thing was all about plausible deniability. Check it out and see if you don’t agree with me.

Picture O’ Doom

“Hope you ladies don‘t mind if I butt in …”

Here’s an image of a damsel in distress scene from the short-lived “Conan” TV series that I think explains in part why the series folded.

First and foremost, there’s the man-butt shot that dominates the image. Instead of focusing on the damsels in distress, we get a shot of the rescuer. And his butt. If you are seeking a straight male audience, this is a mistake. The fact that you made it means you are either gay or dumb. Neither condition augurs well for a person heading a TV show about Conan the Barbarian.

Second, if you’re gonna send Conan around in a leather diaper and nothing else, how about baring some female flesh as well? The women are well dressed, the rescuer is pretty much naked. Once again, gay or dumb.

Third, check out the damsel to the left. The one that’s farthest away from the camera focus. What a great rack she has! She’s the person a regular guy wants to see in this scene, especially with her hands tied behind her back so those enormous tatas of hers right out there. What the fuck is she doing way in the back there? Put her in the front, put Slab McLargehuge in the back. Doing otherwise is just dumb.

My feeling is, if you fuck up a DiD scene this badly, your chances of doing the rest of the show right are pretty much nonexistent.

Every picture tells a story, indeed.

Time Out

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Rites of Spring

Ah, ‘tis almost spring, and soon patches of Hooded Coeds will be blossoming on sorority house lawns all across the country!

Image from Burpee seed catalog.

An Explosive Situation

(Thinking): “Oh, no, I’m gagged! How ever will I warn Bob that the room is filled with explosives when he arrives? Also, why are their explosives so -- generic?”

Image from (cue 1940s dramatic music) The Purple Monster Strikes. And I have to say, great title.

The Good Old Days

Slave Marie found herself thinking back to the good old days, when relationships were complex and sexual positions were simple.

Image courtesty of advertiser Sex and Submission.