Back Seat Driving: The Solution

Just move the back seat a little farther back.

Caged Fury: Beyond Bogus

Warden Sybil Thorn of Honeywell State Prison for Women, in uniform and out of uniform. Inmates get to see Warden Thorn up close and personal in both conditions ... whether they want to or not.

I've reviewed another women in prison movie, and this one is full of nakedness and violence as Dirk the Human Wrecking Ball personally demolishes an evil prison facility. I'm not kidding, this guy is so tough that he and his buddy Victor (played by Erik Estrada) go around terrorizing motorcycle gangs. Again, I am not kidding. Dirk makes Rambo look wussy.

And then there's the evil lesbian warden Sybil Thorn seen above. Few prisons let their officials work in Gay Pride uniforms, but Honeywell does. And of course she treats the inmates as her own private harem.

The plot is driven by an evil scheme that so ridiculously piles bogusness on top of bogusness that you feel a sort of admiration for anyone who has come up with a plan this complex to obtain something that you can easily buy in L.A. for chump change (by the standards of the wealthy).

Plus, there's the ugliest pants ever.

Fun will be had by all. Check it out at this link.

Hot, naked, raunchy sex ...

... or is it?

I have on many occasions observed that the modern thong bikini bottom can function as a substitute for nudity in nudity-challenged environments like non-premium cable television channels.

(By this I do not mean to disparage nudity, which I consider absolutely the most attractive form of attire for any woman, and compared to which thongs are a paltry thing indeed. It's just that the world is full of benighted folk who don't understand this, and who have undue influence in the media and elsehwere, there being so fucking many of them.)

The photo above is an excellent example. The woman having hot sex appears to be naked, but she is in fact clad in a thong bottom. The most you can say about her is that she's topless. Presumably, if she put on a bikini bra she could do the exact same thing she's doing in this photo on a public beach and not be guilty of any crime. And that's why thongs are great.

It's all about getting between the goalposts, baby!

Faces obscured to protect the naughty.

The symbolism here is very clear. If you can get to the goalposts, you'll score -- in more ways that one. I think this is definitely a good idea and should add great excitement to any game. But I don't think it should be confined to pep rallies, as seen here.

I think it should become common practice to secure the second string cheerleading squad to the goalposts during all games (the first string squad being engaged in leading cheers).

Ideally, they should be secured there naked, but in the interests of modesty I suppose they could wear thongs and crop tops that come just below the breasts. I see them secured to the crossbar of the goalposts via long chains that end in manacles about a foot above their heads, keeping them nice and upright and straining the croptops to their utmost, so that if any of them should jump up and down with excitement when their team makes a big gain or sacks the opposing quarterback, as cheerleaders often do, there will definitely be some breast flashing going on.

In fact they could use their manacles to do gymnastics movies like the iron cross and so forth, which would come in very handy when there are a lot of players in the end zone.

The cheerleaders should also be gagged to make them look more like damsels in distress who need rescuing. And sexier, too.

Of course, the team that wins the game gets to free the other teams' imprisoned cheerleaders and haul them off to the locker room for a rousing post-game orgy.

The losing team has to free the opposing cheerleaders and take them out to a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant, and then go home alone after being declared too wimpy for a goodbye kiss.

Now, that would be an all-American tradition.

Pleasant, Relaxing Bondage

Drool and the world drools with you.

This is Christina Carter, whom I consider to be one of the most beautiful bondage models ever to wear a ballgag, in a scene from Chanta's Bitches dot com, being dominated or topped or whatever by Chanta herself.

The thing I find most remarkable about this image, other than the ripe beauty of Carter's body is the fact that every single part of her body is radiating relaxation and pleasure. She is naked. She is tied hand and foot to a palette. Tight ropes confine her waist, hips and butt. There's candle wax drops on her butt. She is ballgagged and drooling because of it. Her hair is being pulled to one side (probably for the camera).

But just look at her expression. She looks happy. And not that faked happy, that practiced, forced smile that so many models have learned. Her expression is both relaxed and happy, and that's VERY hard to fake. Her expression, and the relaxed, comfortable-looking way she's sticking her butt out transforms what might be an average bondage image into something remarkable. Now, that's good bondage modelling.

If you want to see more of Christina Carter she has her own site.

(Full disclosure: I am in no way associated with Chanta's Bitches or Christina Carter, I just like this image a lot.)

Career Alternatives

Now that's what I call lawn trim!

Every year our fine colleges and universities churn out millions of liberal arts majors who eagerly seek the half dozen or so jobs in their fields that are currently open. Almost all of these job searchers are of course doomed to disappointment. Fortunately, our capitalist economy has the elasticity needed to accommodate all these frustrated job seekers, although not always (and by that we mean “never”) in the fields they aspire to work in.

America’s millions of would-be writers, musicians, artists, and thespians go forth each year and mow lawns, wait on tables, make telemarketing calls and flip burgers, exchanging the unwanted and unneeded abilities they have spent four years honing to a keen edge with simple physical labor.

Ah, the glories of capitalism.

But the wannabe artists, musicians, actors, etc., are hardly the worst cases. There are some liberal arts majors who stretch the elasticity of capitalism to its ultimate limit.

The students who choose to get degrees in such fields as poetry and philosophy not only lack marketable skills (there being absolutely no market for their skills) but they are constitutionally unable to do any useful thing. They are often not aware of where they are or what they are doing, making it hard to assign them tasks.

Even with the best will in the world on their part, when asked to do something they rarely remember to do it, lost in the realms of enigmatic pentameter or Hegelian deconstruction. Fortunately, capitalism has a place even for these job seekers: living lawn ornaments. The living lawn ornament candidate is stripped (because it‘s fun), bound (so they won’t wander off or harm themselves) and gagged (cuts down on the noisiness of the mumbling) and staked to a place on the lawn (once again, so they won’t wander off). Then it’s just a matter of reminding them to eat something after four hours and freeing them at the end of their shift and pointing them toward home, hoping they will somehow get there.

Why yes, I do hold a liberal arts degree.

Bitter? Me? Whatever gave you that idea?

Extreme Soap Opera Bondage

Woman in straightjacket (thinking): "Boy, those judges sure hate to hear people talking about jury nullification!"

The thing about women's TV programming: soaps, the Lifetime Channel, Oxygen, chick flicks, what-have-you, is that they have no qualms about playing bondage scenes to the hilt, as this vidcap from the soap opera Sunset Beach demonstrates.

Considering all the sexploitation women in prison flicks designed for the delectation of evil, horny men (and the occasional politically incorrect lesbian) which are charter member of the no-bondage zone, this Sunset Beach scene is EXTREME women in prison imagery.

The story behind the image: Annie Douglas (as played by hottie Sarah Buxton) is a Very Bad Girl in the way that only soap opera hotties can be. She is being hustled into a jail cell because she got all disorderly in court and aroused the ire of a judge. He ordered some fashion changes for Sarah's jailhouse appearance.

Instead of the dull old usualness of handcuffs, he directed that Sarah be dressed in a stylish, fashion-forward straightjacket, complete with an enticing crotch strap to keep her naughty bits a-tingle. The crotch strap goes over Sarah's short dress, creating quite an interesting look. The entire ensemble is set off by a thick white cloth cleave gag to give her mouth that stuffed look.

This is fairly amazing, considering that gag scenes in women in prison stories are as rare as hen's teeth. But with the inexorable demand for stories, US soaps have done an awful lot of wild bondage scenes: double cheerleader bondage, bride in wedding dress bondage, thong panty bondage, and, in another Sunset Beach scene, Sarah Buxton's character was tied to a bed in an upper spreadeagle for five days (i.e., the scene was shown on five successive episodes of the soap opera -- in true soap opera tradition, it might only have lasted fifteen minutes in the storyline).

Soap operas, of course, have a relatively small male audience and tend to cater entirely to their female audience. Who clearly like bondage scenes. A lot.

Help Identify the Unknown Slavegirl Movie

Prostitution, such a bad idea. Why rent when you can buy?

All I know about the movie this vidcap comes from is ... what's in the vidcap. I'd really like some help in identifying the movie, because the vidcap itself fascinates me.

Except for the naked slavegirl in bondage, the scene looks like it comes from some idiotic late 60s/early 70s television comedy aimed at rural audiences. But of course the full frontal nudity of the slavegirl puts her right outside the realm of television of that era ... you simply never saw full frontal nudity on TV in those days. (The button over the slavegirl's crotch was photoshopped in by our staff, in a sad attempt to keep this blog R-rated, though with the gal's pubic hair there wasn't anything to see anyway.) But the full frontal nudity does fit comfortably within the range of movies of the time.

The goofy-looking guy in the suit who seems to be selling the slavegirl lookls like a travelling shoe salesman from an episode of Hee Haw. (Pat Hingle, maybe?)

The guy in the background in the disco vest and shirt looks like he just stepped off an episode of "Love American Style" where he played a swinger.

And the girl looks like she could be a supporting character on almost any comedy, drama or soap opera, once she put some clothes on.

The room looks like a real-life 70s basement rec room with its plywood walls, tiny bar and red leatherette stool. The curtains letting in soft sunlight adds a cheery note to the whole sex slavery thing.

It's a strange image, a dramatic image, an image that is fraught with something, though it's hard to say what. I'd really like to know what movie it's from.

My best guess it that it's from Prime Cut, the 1972 Lee Marvin gangster epic about a mob hit man sent to collect a debt from a Kansas City crime boss who runs a white slavery operation among other things. But it's just a guess, my only reason for it being that it seems to fit in that time frame (1972) visually and the imagery goes with the topic.

If you know what movie this is from, please let me know. I asked the solons on Brian's Page if they could identify it and got no results, and if they can't identify a movie from a vidclip, it's a real toughie. Bragging rights will be yours.

The First-Ever "Suitable for Public Wear" Head Harness Ballgag

Click on the pic to be sent to the BDSM Toybox, where you can buy gags very much like this one.

In a previous post I speculated on the erotic possibilities of gags made of transparent plastic so that whatever is inside the wearer's mouth can be seen.

But the erotic imagination of kink gear artisans knows no limit. Now they've gone the transparent panel gag one better, with the transparent head harness ballgag (aka a "trainer gag") or as I prefer to call it, "The Barely-There Head Harness Ballgag."

You can see how handy such a head harness can be. Your sub can wear it to the grocery store, the bank, the office, and practically no one will notice. If anyone does notice, she can mmph that it's just some kind of dental device. The clear plastic straps look vaguely medical, and the red back of the ball looks like it might be the back of dental appliance of some kind.

Yes, it's the first plausibly deniable head harness ballgag in existence. Well done, sirs!

A Lovely Animated Scene

What a happy scene!

Most of the time, the Drawn Together animated series didn't do a hell of a lot for me. The humor was for the most part childish and gross, even (actually especially) when it's "adult" humor. But every once in a while, they scored.

Here Foxy Love and Princess Clara are about to enjoy an idyllic lesbian bondage tryst as Princess Clara lies chained in a dungeon and Foxy Love "rescues" her.

The thing that really makes this image hilarious is the way the artists have had their way with the Disneyesque birds, in a wonderful parody of Cinderella.

A pair of bluebirds is happily engaged in sliding Princess Clara's scanty panties off her leg while a happy chipmunk looks on approvingly. Another happy bluebird has wedged itself between the dungeon wall and the sconce bearing a candle that is directly above Princess Pea, dripping hot candle wax down onto her now pretty much naked form.

To be honest, I'm not sure if this is an actual image from the show or somebody's fantasy. It could easily be other one: Drawn Together did some VERY kinky stuff. (Anyone remember Princess Clara's tentacle pussy?)

Whoever did it, that's good parody, yes it is.

We're having a heat wave!

It was a 101 degrees today when I was out and about. And speaking of hot ...

Where does this very hot bondage image come from? I'll tell you up front, it's not from a commercial bondage magazine or video. It's not from a porn publication or video of any kind.

Yet the intent of the photo is CLEARLY pornographic, in fact, I've seen many pornographic images that couldn't touch this one for hotness. The up-butt perspective of the camera, the way the butt is stuck out in a raunchy sexual presentation way, the way her hands fight the cuffs, emphasizing her bondage, the way she clutches the chain link fence, her dishevelled hair -- it's hot stuff alrighty.

If nobody figures it out, I'll post the answer in a response to this post tomorrow.

Firsts In Bondage on Mainstream TV and Movies

Take a good look ... this may well be the first image of a naked woman with her wrists tied to her ankles seen in mainstream films.

The image above is from the movie Haxan, aka Witchcraft Through The Ages, released in 1922 (in Sweden of course -- the US would never pass anything like that). It's raunchy stuff for 1922 -- quite a bod on that babe, woodcut though she is. It would be in the First in Bondage on Mainstream TV and Movies chart that I've uploaded to Bondagerotica this week, except that it's a drawing and not a photographic image, as my chart is concerned strictly with photographic images of women in bondage. Drawings don't count, even if they are embedded in a movie. (Besides, Haxan has photographic images of actual women in bondage.)

Anyway, if you like to nitpick and so forth, this chart is going to be great fun for you, because I'm pretty sure some of the entries are wrong and I know others are debatable. That's OK with me ... I like to nitpick, too. Basically, the chart is one huge exercise in nitpickery.

There are many, many other vidcaps linked to from the chart. Where possible I tried to include a vidcap of the scene being cited, but my personal collection left me unable to provide links for a large number of them.

The chart is divided into types of gags, forms of bondage, nude bondage, and bondage with sex. It also contains supplementary articles detailing how and why I organized the chart with circles and arrows showing what was to be used as evidence against. So, go over there check it out, and if you like, use the link to return here and make comments. Nice comments.

When TV Magic Goes Bad

Trussed up like Thanksgiving tur ... uh, maybe the wrong metaphor here.

You know you've fucked up badly as a magician when, instead of appearing on Celebracadabra or Amazing TV Magic Queers, a video of your act shows up on Spike TV's Most Shocking Videos.

In this instance, a bold young escape artist has his two female assistants chained to a frame while male assistants scatter easily ignitable fiery stuff around them. Then the escape artist is chained up and sealed in a duffel bag or something like one. He must escape and free the young lovelies before they are turned into crispy cuties by the flames.


"Please note the chains that ensure that at no time will these women's heads leave their necks!"

The two cuties are chained to the frame with much ado, and then the escape artist is chained and bagged. Unfortunately, while they're still bagging up the escape artist, one of the magician's male assistants accidentally sets off the fiery stuff well before it was supposed to be set off.

This is a very bad thing because apparently, part of the magic of the act involved the chained cuties working themselves free unnoticed while the audience's attention is focused on the escape artist. So the fire flared up before the cuties were free.

This resulted in much realistic screaming and frantic attempts to free themselves and frantic attempts to help them by the male helpers. One cutie gets free very quickly, the other never does free herself. Fortunately, one of the smarter male assistant grabs a fire extinguisher and puts the fire out quickly. The chained cuties escape with only minor burns, which sounds great, but as anyone who's been sunburned knows, even minor burns can be quite painful.

There's a lesson here, and it's very simple. Don't be a magician's assistant. Not all of them know what they're doing. And that goes double for their other assistants.

The Art of Yo-Yoga

Around and around she goes, and when she comes, everybody knows!

Yo-yoga is a semi-ancient Japanese bondage technique which involves tying women up on long ropes and twirling them around like yo-yos.

The object of the game is to see how frequently and intensely the yo-yogaist can make the woman attached to the rope orgasm.

The secret to inducing the orgasms is a joyrope with large, knobby knots on it, placed just where they'll do the most good. The rope encircling the woman's waist is cleverly linked to the joyrope so that every time the woman's body rotates, the knots inside her pussy do the same.

The game is played on a particular species of tree called the yew-yew. Participants climb up into the lower limbs of the tree, about five meters off the ground and then tie a rope to the limb and drop the other end to the ground. Then it's down the rope to secure the woman and the joyrope properly to the waist rope so that no part of her body will strike the ground on the downswing. Then it's back up the rope to the limb, and then it's time to pull the woman up to the limb via the rope around her waist, etc. (It's tiring but worth it.)

Once she's on the limb, the yo-yogaist and the woman carefully wrap the rope around her torso, and she lies down on the limb. The yo-yoga-ist takes a firm grip on the rope that is near the limb and then shoves the woman off the limb. As she falls the rope around her waist makes her body rotate, as does the joyrope. Just before she reaches the bottom limit of her fall, the yo-yogaist administers a carefully timed upward jerk, causing her to reverse direction and rotate up toward the tree.

As she moves up and down in this "yo-yoga" fashion, the joyrope twists relentlessly driving her to orgasm after orgasm. After a given span of time -- typically 15 minutes -- the game is called and the woman is inspected by the judged. The intensity and frequency of her orgasms are measured by the most objective scientific methods, taking into account the limpness of her body, how copiously she drools, how slippery the joyrope has become, and how long it takes her eyes to focus. She's declared the winner and her yo-yogaist becomes ... extremely popular.

Warning: this form of yoga is not for people who are prone to dizziness and nausea, or who have inner ear problems.

Hi! I'm A Whore!

OK, so she's a whore ... there's no way she can collect after you've had your way with her, taped to the wall like that.

Bondage imagery has ENORMOUS potential for humor, but rarely gets used as such.

Here we have a nifty sight gag from the TV series Scrubs which puts bondage imagery to good use. The set up -- the hottie doctor on scrubs has been seen kissing a patient -- by the patient's wife, making her extremely jealous.

At first the hottie doctor tries to hide from the angry wife, but eventually decides to talk to her and calm her down. But the jealous wife will have none of it -- she wants to fight. So the hottie doctor gives up.

"Bring it bitch!" she cries, raising her fists.

The very next seen you see is the one at the top of this post. No messy fighting, just a scene of public humiliation that makes it very clear who won the fight, and how thoroughly she won. And the tape gag that ensures she can't say anything to deny the bold pronouncement of whoredom on the wall beside her -- tasty.

Now, that's bringing the funny.

Bedtime for Earth babe

"Ah, chained up by the wrists and molested by our space monster all day!"
"She'll sleep well tonight!"

This vidcap is from the hilariously awful film Frankenstien vs. the Space Monster. It's one of those movies that you watch with your mouth hanging slightly open, thinking, "How in seven hells did the MST3K gang miss THIS flick?" The damsel in this flick really does spend quite a while chained up by the wrists and pawed at by the space monster, to no lasting ill effect, but apparently it did make her sleepy. The spaceship's other cells are full of B-movie starlets. It's your typical alien ship come to round up some serious Earth pussy. Whatever happened to dating girls you find attractive? Heck, if Karl Rove and Dick Cheney can get wives, anyone, even a bulbous space monster, can.

What kinkfest is this vidcap from?

What they're saying: "Mmmgh mmph." "Mmmgh." "Mmmmfh mmmfh mmgh."

I know what kinkfest this vidcap is from, I'll reveal the answer to those who don't know tomorrow, or anyone who does know the answer can post a response and get 200 Internet Cred points for knowing stuff like this.

A Woman of Many Parts

What a rack on that rack!

Here we see Shelley Michelle in the Only Scene That Matters in the film "Galaxy Hunter" which she wrote, produced and starred in. Michelle's big claim to fame in Hollywood prior to Galaxy Hunter was that she was a body double to the stars, standing or lying in for them during nude scenes. For example, Ms. Michelle was Julia Roberts' legs in Pretty Woman and she was Claudia Christian's breasts in Hexed.

The scene shown here was a nice, long scene with Michelle being interrogated or molested or something along those lines, if I recall correctly. A lot of the people who've reviewed Galaxy Hunter have taken the opportunity to say condescending things along the lines of, "Stick to body doubling, honey, you're no actress, writer, etc., Galaxy Hunter was the worst film ever."

Well, actually, Galaxina and Solaris were both much worse films than Galaxy Hunter. Galaxy Hunter at least entertained me with plenty of large-breasted women fighting and stripping and dancing, unlike Solaris with its endless slow takes and dragging dialogue. (I'm talking the original Solaris here not the remake.) And Galaxy Hunter never squicked me out like Galaxina did with the elderly space captain repeatedly pimping Galaxina (a female android played by Dorothy Stratton) out to the viewers with sleazy, cloying, nudging references to how hot and sexy she is. It was like listening to a father trying to pimp his daughter on a street corner, only the elderly, broken-down, oily voice and countenance of attempted comedian Avery Schrieber made it even more disgusting.

Galaxy Hunter did have a lot of technical problems and looked cheap, but hell, so does most of the stuff Roger Corman puts out and nobody's suggesting that HE stick to body doubling.

Time Served Reviewed

Time Served, now with stripperific action.

I have on many occasions voiced the opinion that it would be a good idea of combining the emotional intensity of Lifetime women in prison flicks with the sexual intensity of sexploitation flicks. Well, darned if the people who made Time Served have done a halfway decent job of doing so. It starts out with a grieving mother forced into prison when she covers up a murder committed by her son, and it winds up with stripperific action. Unfortuately, they left out ALL the bondage imagery and most of the dominance and submission imagery, but hey, it's a step in the right direction. Check out my review of Time Served to see how far they got.

Lifetime Proves That Real Women Like Damsel in Distress Scenes

Candid bondage photography from the Lifetime TV movie, "A Friend of the Family."

I've written about the online prudo-feminist furor over nudity and skimpy clothing in comic books before, as well as their dismay over Wonder Woman appearing in Playboy, and when I've written about it I've insisted that prudo-feminists are a small minority of feminists and an even smaller (say, microscopic) minority of women in general.

In fact, in a recent post I stated that most women love damsel in distress scenes.

"But noble sir*," you may inquire, "where is your evidence? Why should we believe that women love damsel in distress scenes?"

My evidence is all over the mass media. My evidence lies in the taste women have for bodice ripper romance novels. Popular authors like Johanna LIndsay and Beatrice Small turn out novels like "A Pirate's Captive" and "Love Slave" for large, appreciative female audiences who for the most part would never own up for their taste for them, but they sure buy them.

(This phenomenon reminds me a lot of all the guys who buy porn and go to strip clubs, despite the fact that you'd never get most of them to make any kind of public expression of support for the sex industry products and services they clearly love.)

There's also the Lifetime Channel, and to an ever-increasing degree, Oxygen and Women's Entertainment. The Lifetime long ago got the nickname, "The Victim Channel" for all its stories involving men doing terrible things to women. (Sometimes it's women doing terrible things to women, and on rare occasions it's women doing terrible things to men, but mostly it's men doing terrible things to women, which sadly enough, mirrors real life all too accurately.) A lot of those terrible things involve binding and gagging women, which is why it has also been frequently described as a "bondage stalwart." (Well, by me, anyway.)


A powerful image of a mascara-dripping, ballgagged woman with a male face lurking in the background in a distinctively creepy manner.

Here's a great example, the Lifetime movie A Friend of the Family. A Friend of the Family is the story of a woman who moves to a new town due to a mysterious and probably tragic past. In her new home, little signs that Our Heroine is being stalked begin to show up ... a bondage porn magazine on the roof, a collection of bondage porn candid photos in an alcove, glimpses of a stalker, and a there's friend of the family who hangs around and is creepy.

Eventually something happens in the movie, but it takes a very long time what with all the creepy stuff building the suspense, but that's not the point here. Our Heroine is never captured and tied up and/or gagged, which is bad drama, but that's not the point here either.

The point is that A Friend of the Family is chock full of bondage imagery. In addition to the magazine and the photos there are random flashbacks of a woman with smeared mascara wearing a red ball gag.

That's an awful lot of bondage imagery for one mainstream film. But it's in this Lifetime film, and many other Lifetime films contain generous amounts of bondage imagery. Why? Because women like to see it, that's why. Like most of us, they like seeing the damsel survive her ordeal and escape, but they like the ordeal for it's dramatic value and its kinky frisson, just like guys do.

Images from a porno maggazine add a kinky frisson to the story. The page on the left features an image of a bound woman with the face cut out. I wonder whose face that might be?

That's why Lifetime shows movies with strong bondage imagery, because their audience likes it. Nobody's putting a gun to the Lifetime Channel's collective head and forcing them to show all these films with all that good bondage imagery. Nothing could MAKE them show such films if they took ratings down. In fact, considering the fact that some feminists object to them so powerfully, you have to figure they improve ratings considerably, to overcome that problem.

And Oxygen and Women's Entertainment, both of which made all kinds of noise about not showing all those movies about victimized women (i.e., damsels in distress, among other things) are slowly showing more and more films with damsels in distress.

Why? Because women like them.



*Sex god and king of the universe is also an acceptable form of address.

The Perils of News Reporting

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Spirit of Oral Victory

At last, a statue celebrating the simple pleasures of the blowjob!

You have to wonder why it took them so long to come up with one. Of course, a cynical fellow might suspect that a photo of the statue taken from another angle might reveal it to have some other meaning, but I for one am not such a cynic!

Chain Gang Girls: What Hath We Wrought?

A female chain gang on the march. Looks a lot like a male chain gang on the march, from a distance. And, sadly, close up, too. Hot models rarely wind up on chain gangs, apparently. But hot prostitutes sometimes do.

Normally, holiday weekends are great weekends for picking up the odd mainstream bondage scene because all the cable stations do marathons, which means that movies and TV show episodes that don't normally air get shown because they happen to fit the marathon's theme.

But the marathons that ran this 4th of July just sucked from a mainstream bondage scene point of view. SciFi Channel did an original Twilight Zone marathon (hopeless). AMC was doing some kind of sucky song and dance marathon. Bondage stalwart Lifetime Movie Channel did a Christmas in July marathon and bondage stalwart Oxygen Channel did a bridezilla marathon.

Yes, suckity suck suck suck. Which is how I wound up taping a 6-hour block of real life Women Behind Bars shows on the Women's Entertainment channel. I don't ordinarily cover reality TV, but it was all there was.

Mostly this was a loss, too. Four hours of it was recounting how women did terrible things and went to jail for it. There was very little about how they survived in jail, even though they were pretty much all lifers or on death row, so they had plenty of surviving to do, and some had clearly DONE plenty of surviving, as their crimes had been committed in their 20s and they were WAAAAY past 20.

However, there WAS a 2-hour special called "Chain Gang Girls" that had a lot of images of women chained together by the ankles (duh!). It seems that in Arizona, sheriff and hateful little toad Joe Arpaio has been the first in the nation to create all-female chain gangs.

The show focused on the chaining up and the marching about of the chained women with an obsessiveness not seen in mainstream media since the Gor novels were shelved with the rest of the sword and sandal stuff. They were repeatedly shown chained up with loving descriptions of every aspect of the chains and the marching in chains, along with many, many humiliations and invasion of privacy that amounted to forced submission that are part of the program. (It should be pointed out, this is a voluntary program.)

The voiceover and the guards kept talking about the chain gang as a team-building and confidence-building enterprise, but the only thing I saw that the inmates were being taught was to do whatever the big lesbian guards said to do, without question or hesitation.

Unfortunately, the imagery itself was less than overwhelming because the women were wearing big, ugly work boots and they themselves were average looking at best. OK, there was one inmate who was good looking, and she was in for a six-month stay on a prostitution charge (surprise, surprise).


Work boots. All wrong. Would it have killed them to make the inmates wear fuck-me pumps? Or go barefoot? Well, it probably would have maimed them, come to think of it, considering they do manual labor six hours a day in 110-degree Arizona heat.

Which brings us to the point of today's post. The woman's prostitution rap was not the only minor, no-victims charge that was represented on the chain gang, in fact, it was the norm. Most of the women there were there for minor drug raps, a couple for minor theft raps, no sentences that were mentioned (and they always mentioned the crime and sentence when they focused on an inmate) were over six months long.

What the FUCK are we doing putting women on chain gangs for shit like this? Why are they in jail at all? The druggies need rehab and most of the thieves were obviously dirt poor. The prostitute -- what the hell did SHE do that was so wrong? Hell, anyone who looks at naked pictures of women on the Web are in NO position to criticize her morally, but I know there are a lot of guys who suck up porn like so many lizards who'd have no problem calling her a whore and saying she gets what she deserves.

Well, if that's so, there's a lot of guys out there who AREN'T getting what they deserve, and if they DID get what they deserve, they'd change their tune about the prostitute in short order.

What the fuck kind of nation are we, that we did shit like this, for so little reason? Are we a nation of assholes or what? I know lawnorder politics is popular, but hell, do we HAVE to be retarded about how we handle lawbreakers? Druggies are sometimes pathetic people who have no control over their lives, but what the hell good does locking them up and then releasing them, untreated, do for them? Or us? They're just going to go back to their old ways.

The way we handle issues like drug addiction, victimless crimes and poverty are just freaking retarded. We have the highest number of people incarcerated per capita in the freaking WORLD. It's not because we have more criminals. It's because we're handling our criminal justice system like it's a freaking magic wand that will cure every social ill.

We as a nation really have to stop being retarded about this, and so many other things.

Naked Bungee Jumper Tier-Upper

A naked bungee jumper must be securely secured from calf to ankle. No joyrope, I notice, but that WOULD be a bit much ...

When a female hottie wants to jump naked off a high tower or bridge, there's a guy who has to make sure her legs are properly tied up with bungee cord. He has to tie her up even if that means practically putting his face in her naked little lap. There's a name for a guy like that ... LUCKY!!!

This image courtesy of E! Channel's "Wildest Spring Break Moments" special, which along with the usual hotties doffing their T-shirts, tube tops and bikini tops, also carried a story about two naked hotties who wanted to bungee jump while naked. Good for them, and lucky for us.

Chained Heat Reviewed

Cuffs in the credits ... that's the way to do a women in prison movie!

Over on Bondagerotica this week we have a review of the classic women in prison movie, Chained Heat. A lot of movies have copied this one, and done better in many respects to tell the truth. But none have had a smokin' hot Sybil Danning domming the daylights out of a luscious young Linda Blair. Check out the review here.

A Very Unusual Gag

There HAS to be an easier way to stop smoking!

Here's a scene from the movie "Problem Child 3" in which the titular demonic spawn takes exception to the prospect of some dental work and disconnects the hose to his laughing gas supply, rendering the dentist and his nurse first hilarious, then unconscious. When they come to, the dentist is hanging from the ceiling fan and the nurse is bound to the dental chair with duct tape and chicken wire (always in ready supply at dentist's offices, of course) and wearing the preposterous device seen above.

I like a humorous bondage scene more than most, but Problem Child is basically aimed for the very young, and played so broadly that it will leave any adult grimacing in pain. I sampled the five minutes or so of the movie I had to record on either side of the scene to be sure of getting to it, and it was a painful experience. Do not repeat my experience. This cap is all that is worth seeing in this movie, and now you have seen it. I present it as a public service.

Really Gay Comics

It's not what it looks like.

This is not a modern gay parody of romance comics. It's an actual humorous comic (the original meaning of "gay" had connotations of humor) from 1944, published by ... Marvel Comics.

Yes, here it is, the skeleton in Marvel's closet, a GAY skeleton.

Clearly the modern meaning of "gay" had not entered the popular lexicon in 1944. In the 1950s it probably would have been banned shitless by the Comics Code Authority (which didn't yet exist in 1944). This one slid right under the radar. But the artists (who were in all probably Jewish and New Yorkers and hence, if not personally gay, were about as subversive as gays) clearly knew what "gay" meant in the homosexual subculture, because that "swish" sound effect and the exhortation of one character to "blow harder" CANNOT be coincidences. Somebody was having fun seeing how much stuff they could shovel under the radar.

I have in my article on Wonder Woman and her competitors set forth the idea that comic book creators were able to slip a lot of stuff under the radar of the mainstream society in those days. And I think Marvel's "Gay Comics" is a pretty good demonstration of the general naivete about sex that ruled in the 1940s. It wasn't just about bondage ... it was about practically EVERYTHING concerning sex.

Happy Fourth of July!

Hope everybody has a great day!

Under Lock and Key Reviewed

Well, I'd say SOMEONE has the drop on SOMEONE in this women in prison flick ... but things are not what they seem ... which is unusual, in a women in prison flick.

Over on Bondagerotica I have a review of the film Under Lock and Key, a weird little women in prison flick that's half Skinamax fleshfest and half cops'n'robbers flick. What's REALLY weird about the flick is that the two halves of the film are not mixed together, there's a dividing line as obvious as a zipper between them. But the film stands high among women in prison flicks simply because it introduces an incredibly useful concept to the genre: prisoners who hang around in their open-barred, privacy-free cells naked, not because the guards won't give 'em clothes, but because they WANT to. Does this concept make any real-world sense? Of course not. Does it make dramatic sense? Oh YEAH, BABY!!!

A Trove of Women in Prison Movie Reviews

Ah, women in prison movies, where the inmates wait naked in their cells for action ... any action ...

Looky here what I found! A trove of nicely written review of women in prison movies. Although the reviewer lacks my particular interest in bondage, he clearly likes the nudity and lesbianism and so forth and the genre itself. Plus there are screen caps. So check it out!